Life As We Know It

Today started out great, Karoline slept well and slept in! We had a fun morning hanging out at home as a family and Tim went off to work. Sometimes I sure wish he didn't have to go to work, but it makes the time we are together even better.

This afternoon I had every intention of cleaning the house. Well, to be completely honest I never wanted to but I knew it needed to be done. When Karoline woke up from a long nap she was a happy girl, when her dad left, she was no longer a happy camper. She was fit to be tied and did not want my attention on anything but her. So, instead of cleaning we went to the pool. We had a great time and were there for a couple hours. We met another little girl just a few months older than K and they played for quite a while. In the mean time I was able to talk to her mom. I have come to the conclusion that moms really do enjoy talking to other moms. Most of the time I keep to myself because I worry that I will bug other moms. Come to find out, they want to talk too! It was a nice afternoon.

When we got home we did our usual routine and I was bound and determined to clean when Karoline was in bed. Like I mentioned, I really did not want to clean today. So, instead I watched a movie, "Life As We Know It." In the movie a one year old girl loses her parents and she is left to her parents best friends. This movie was hard for me to watch even before having Karoline and now after it's down right painful.

When Tim's mom passed away I never really had a break down cry like I usually do. Instead her passing has stuck with me longer and in a more painful way than any other death has. I have this constant fear of leaving my baby girl. I fear that something will happen to myself or to her, or to Tim and that we won't be able to watch her grow as a family. I would like to think that this is a fear that most moms go through. It's a terrible thought to have to think about someone else raising your child. Would they do the things you do, let her get away with things that you let her get away with? Would they let her fall so that she can learn to get back up? Would they teach her all about life and teach her to love Jesus like I would? That last part is the most important. Even though I have these fears I also have the comfort of knowing that everything happens for a reason. If, God forbid, for some reason I should not get to see Karoline grow up or Tim wouldn't or we both wouldn't we know that we would get to see her and be apart of her life from Heaven. Life is a gift and there are so many uncertain things that we can't control. For today I am beyond thankful that I chose to take my baby girl swimming at the pool. I got to watch her throw her diving ring and say, "Get it!" I got to see her play with another baby girl. I got to see her excitement of learning how to walk in a pool all by herself. I am thankful for every day that I get with her. She is such a joy in my life. I pray that I am always able to watch her grow and learn. I pray that if that is not what God's plan is for me that she will know that I am always with her. Even when I leave her now my heart and my mind are always with her. One of the greatest parts about having children is learning just how much your own parents love you. It's amazing to know that this love I have for Karoline is the same love my mom has for me. And even better yet this love is only a small percentage of the love that Jesus has for us.

I am thankful to be able to type out my feelings here on my blog. I hope that in some way those who take time to read my posts find them encouraging.