Let Them Be Little

It was never my plan to have two kids in two years. However, when you're extremely fertile and hormones get the best of you and give you the wild idea to give it a shot for another spring baby before waiting one year, you get said spring baby. What does it mean to be a mom to two little girls, born just 23 months apart? I suppose that's different for everyone with this age gap. For me it means constantly moving, reevaluation and change.

When my first was born I was consumed with sharing every new thing she did. By sharing I mean bragging. We are all so proud of our kids. Shoot, lately I find myself blown away by every painting, tower built and creation made by her little hands. Before she turned one I boasted that she rolled, walked, talked ... you get the idea. You also know "those" moms on social media. Ashamedly, I was one of them.

Sweet Karoline Christelle, one month old.

She was my world and my every day. I viewed her as a responsibility. Not so much a little person for me to enjoy.

Then before I knew it, there were two. Two little girls.

Alexandra Elizabeth

Somehow things changed. I realized that it really wasn't as hard as I was making it. This baby either needed to eat, sleep or poop. It didn't have to be, and wasn't, much harder than that. She would roll, eat solids, walk, talk and accomplish every milestone when she was ready. I wouldn't push her or compare her to others. Instead we would enjoy the ride and go with it. She slept in bed with me, learned to sleep on her own and learned to sleep through the night with minimal effort.

This little baby would smile just at mere recognition. So happy to not be fussed over and over analyzed.

Soon this baby would turn one and all would change.

Now I have two toddlers, but one is starting to resemble a little kid. The two of them fight, scream and holler as they express their independence. There are times they play and love to learn together. Until they get hungry and then the fights in-sue once more. Time for a snack, food is a fabulous diversion.

My mornings are down right insane. I wake up just a few minutes before them so I can get myself ready before entering their room. If I don't I have a very hard time making time (notice I didn't say have, we all have the time, it's a choice to make it) to get ready. Once they are free from their beds it's non-stop. I'm blessed to be a stay at home mom. That being said, I sometimes feel as though I move more and stay just as busy as I would at any job, maybe more so. Before we can get downstairs they need to potty, brush teeth and get dressed. They want to do all of this on their own but they need the help to have it all done right away. They really are very demanding about this whole routine. Down the stairs we go. They need to have breakfast, have a drink and they want all of that instantly and don't want to wait. I don't dare run out of bananas or quick breakfast option. Once they are finally in their seats I have a few minutes to get the dishwasher unloaded. I try and sit down and eat with them, that's a rookie mistake. Anyone who has ever unloaded a dishwasher with a kid around knows the importance of doing this chore while they are contained.

With all of their demands and constant needs I have to remember, I am their whole world. They need me for absolutely everything. While my child, who looks more like a kid, is learning how to do things on her own she still needs my constant permission and reassurance. I am the key to their happiness. That sentence is one that strikes me as something far more important that just seven words. Their days, their moods and their lives all depend on me. My attitude as I walk into their room and tend to their basic necessites in the morning sets the tone for the day. A day that is their day too. There are some days that errands must be ran and the house must be cleaned. However, those days are still their days, days that we won't have again. Finding time to allow them to be kids has become a priority. This seems so simple. I really didn't grasp this idea until having two kids. Knowing their limitations and comfort levels are daily goals of mine. On the days that I keep this in mind we are happier and my kids smile more. My lists may stay long because of it, but I know one day they won't be. One day my closet and shoes will be organized again and the laundry will be done. That day I will miss this crazy time my in life.

As a mom of two little ones I have learned that it is a choice for me to be overwhelmed. Things actually can wait (imagine that). In the thick of it all constant reassurance and reminding of this fact is necessary. I write it down on a sticky note and put it where I can see it often. I make lists and let the things I'm using valuable brain space for escape as I write them.

My kids make messes, they love it, it's what they do. They take things out of each others hands. They get fussy they yell. But, they forgive and forget so easily. They are comforted by their blankets and by me. A hug (and a snack) go a long way. As our days pass even faster than ever before I am amazed at how quickly they are learning to play together for longer periods at a time. I hope to nurture and encourage this relationship as it grows into a life long friendship as sisters.

The key to my happiness is in MY outlook and attitude. It's in how I respond and react to them. It's in knowing that I am going to have to tell them the same thing over and over, day after day. That is my job. I am to bring them up right and follow through so they have reassurance and comfort in routine and boundaries. This is how we survive and have good days. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of days where this recipe for success just flat doesn't work. Did you read about our Christmas? It is on the days when I try to be my best version of Mary Poppins and it blows up in my face that I have to remember that they are young. I count to ten, clench my teeth, send them to the corner, hide in the bathroom and do whatever it takes to get through the day. It is not easy. It is however, worth it. Worth it for them to see me start a new day with a smile. There is always a bright side and always a silver lining to every situation. Hang in there mama's, they won't be little for long!

Resolutions

With a husband who works a rotating schedule it is not often that we end up with days off that fall on the weekend. So, when they do it is worth noting, especially when they are enjoyable days!

While shopping with Christmas money I made it a point to buy clothes that were a bit more fashionable than my norm. *Let's pause to note that the last time I purchased a bulk amount of clothes my parents were still buying my clothes (we are going to look past the fact that they contributed to the clothes money as part of my Christmas gift) ... since I'm not the baby of the family that was 10+ years ago! By getting myself dressed and ready more often, and in clothes I like, my mood has been much happier. Pathetic, but it is what it is. I'm going to count this as a positive that I realized I was in a slump and was pulled out of it with a little wardrobe make over. We all have our vices, apparently clothes are one of mine. I guess there are only so many days I can wear t-shirts and tennis shoes.

This girl has brought me out of my shell in more ways than one. I am so thankful for this friendship!

A quick trip to Hobby Lobby with my fashion liaison and interior decorating reassurance resulted in an updated kitchen/dining area. I saw a Facebook sign the other day that read, "Lord please don't let me see another sale for I am weak." #truth

These make me happy so they will stay... and everything else might have to go, or be turned into something else. Ain't nobody got money for that.

This morning I had to wake Karoline up to go to church. This never happens! She wasn't thrilled but we managed to have a nice morning and my husband and I ended up matching. I also had an excuse to wear my new boots! 

 I scored on his shirt, $9 on a Macy's door busters sale! 

These boots were $22 down from $45. They are comfortable for about 2.2 hours, that's it. *Ya'll this is my bedroom and it is in need of some serious decorating help. 2016 is our year of updating and redecorating our house. One month at a time and one room at a time! 

As the weekend draws to a close we are doing what all Coloradans should be doing, celebrating in the loss of the Patriots and cheering on the Bronco's while meal planning (some may not be doing the last part, the first is not negotiable). I've never written down my resolutions. This year I felt it was more than a great idea to find ways to improve. We all have room for improvement! 

This year's goals for self improvement, resolutions if you will: 

1. Start and end each day in prayer
2. Meal plan for a month at a time. 
3. Be present

I'll find any excuse to use my fine point sharpies and hopefully save a little money ... 

Not So Great, Christmas Expectations

This Christmas season has been one for the books. A week before Christmas we made cookies as a family. Despite a last minute run to the store, due to having to start over thanks to a mom mess up, they all turned out great and were fun to share with friends.

And then the tables turned...

A few days later the girls went from runny noses to full on sick. Just in time for my parents visit to celebrate Christmas. What was planned to be a full three days of fun became a gross: puke in the van and bed, crazy spiked fever, and green goopy eyed few days for the girls. There were some high points. It really wasn't how I envisioned the time we would spend together.

Christmas Eve morning we contemplated taking the girls to the doctor. However, I recently examined the contents of medicine I just took, I wasn't thrilled about what I found. We decided to wait this out and give them a chance to fight it on their own. They hadn't gotten worse and did seem to have some good times where the sickness and goop subsided. We skipped making cookies and had a lazy day full of liquids and rest. We put them to bed hopeful that Christmas morning would be magical.

Tim and I played Santa, the scene was set. We were excited for the morning.

After a few hours of sleep I felt nauseous. Thankfully some good ol' Pepto helped me get a bit of decent sleep. I was fearful of a repeat of me being sick on Christmas a second year in a row. I woke up feeling better and readied the house for the girls. I stood at the bottom of the stairs to take a picture of their excited faces. This is what I got...

Not quite the reaction we were hoping for. And so began our Christmas morning...

Karoline was not sure how to react to being the center of attention or to the presents that were there. She was too confused and somewhat overwhelmed to want to go to the bathroom. After a few presents we did have to take a break so she could go. On the way up the stairs her sour attitude turned rude. Tim had to speak with her and remind her that while Santa brought the presents, mommy and daddy can (and will) take them away. Having to parent your child apparently does not stop on holidays. It actually may even be more important. This seemed to help...a little. The excitement of which we thought we would watch was not there as they went through their gifts. One by one they unveiled their gifts. When a box contained an item they would take it out completely and play with it for a bit before moving onto the next. I'm fairly certain two small pieces may be in our recycle bin. New rule, no opening the box until the paper is cleaned up. Glue all barbie shoes on barbies before wrapping. Identical presents may not be a good idea after all. One child sees "her" toy in the others hand and a fight ensues, even though there are TWO! Live and learn.

We had breakfast and then resumed playing. Somewhere in the midst of it all Karoline made a small mess in her panties. Something she NEVER does. I was in shock and had to laugh. The morning I had envisioned as so magical had go to, um, poo. It just was not at all how I think either Tim or I thought it would be. As I reflect back on it I have to remember that we do have a 20 month old and a 3.5 year old, still so young and they were and are both sick.

Present examining was quite slow and took us just about up to nap time. Alexandra went down easy. Karoline never slept, despite me laying with her for over an hour (pushing back our dinner time). Alexandra woke up screaming, a sure fire way to know she didn't get enough sleep. Sure enough, her nose was stuffed and had woken her.

With the addition of Uncle Matthew there was a bit more screaming and crying on Alexandra's behalf in the afternoon. She takes quite a while to warm up to people. She did eventually decide he was ok when she saw the present he had brought with him. Smart guy. I was somehow able to make dinner through this. I was so excited to find an organic stuffing and as I dumped it in the pot I noticed the package said, "Savory Herb," in small print. Those little letters were more like a giant red flag. I knew I was taking a gamble when I didn't get the stuffing I know my husband knows and likes. Our dinner was mediocre.

The ham, despite being in the oven for much longer than it needed to be, was cold two seconds after it reached the plate.
My garlic mashed potatoes weren't as creamy as usual and my second head of garlic had disintegrated inside the bulb. I'd never had that happen before.
The green beans weren't as soft and tastey as they should have been.
The gravy was from a jar.
And that dang stuffing tasted like an entire spice rack of "savory herbs" had been dumped in the bag. It was not good.

The girls did enjoy having sparkling apple cider in shot glass momento's from a wedding last summer. Side note, a shot glass can drop off the table, hit the chair and fall onto the hard wood floor without breaking. Just in case you were curious. I wouldn't test this. I was fully prepared to have to clean up glass as I cringed watching it fall.

The green goop was coming back in full force as evening set in. I got the girls into the tub. They had my full attention. Thank goodness, because as I saw Alexandra take a squat position I knew that our insane day was going to finish with a bang. Oh that four letter word and that squat, "Poop." Thankfully I have become skilled in this department and on a poop tub scale this incident was only a 2. Thankfully Tim was home this time to bring me the cleaning supplies. *You know you're a mom to young kids when you have a poop tub scale.

The girls were content for part of the evening while I cleaned up the dinner mess. As I tossed the stuffing into the trash I managed to get a good majority of it on the floor. Par for the course for the day. I didn't even cry, go me.

As I sit here typing I am watching on the monitor as the two girls, who had such rough starts to the day and were so grumpy and whiney, take their sweet time falling asleep.

Today was not perfect. I had high expectations for today and realized very quickly that it would not be the joyous day I had envisioned. There were happy moments and those will be the ones I journal for the girls. A kiss from Alexandra. One piece of paper being taken off at a time by those sweet 20 month old fingers. A, "Merry Christmas, Mom," from my sweet Karoline. The smile on her face as she opened some of her gifts. Their joy of getting to use an actual glass at dinner. The smile on my husband's face as he opened his gift from the girls. The fact that he and I were so determined to have a good day that neither of us got grumpy or snapped at each other. These are the happy things, the little things.

There is so much hype and excitement in the preparation for a Hallmark Christmas. I think it's easy to get a Pinterest picture in your head of what you expect to happen. As the days draw closer we reminisce of happy memories of the past and compare them to today. Family members are far away or no longer with us. New families create new traditions that take place of old. Decorations aren't as we remember them as a child. Christmas lights are too expensive. Snow doesn't fall. Today was not how we hoped it would be. At one point I was ready for a new day to begin. I was ready to get back to our usual days with no great expectations. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I won't get this day or this Christmas with my girls again. We maybe have ten good years of fun Christmas' left. It might not have looked like the movies and attitudes might not have been as cheery as we would have liked. But, it was ours, there were bright spots, and it's one we will cherish. From here on out I vow to not have expectations for a great Christmas. My hope is for the mindset and attitude that each day, special or not, is a gift and a day I am thankful for.

We have one perfect Redeemer and for Him I am thankful this day and every day. Merry Christmas!

Summer days, slipping away!

Do you feel that? It's chilly in the morning! I'm astounded that summer is already slipping away. This summer was full of love and laughter with friends and family and is one that I will cherish.

So many exciting new things happening in our house (don't get too excited, there is no pregnancy announcement in this blog, just lots of fun pictures)...

Tim is recovering nicely from his ACL surgery and we are all hoping he will be good as new in no time.

Tim, post surgery (hence the pain killer bottle above Alexandra's head). Alexandra, with a 24 hour summer fever bug. 

We are adjusting to being a one car (truck) and motorcycle family quite nicely after our car accident. However, I do miss my van. I recently started working for BolderBand. I love the opportunity to contribute to our family all while working from home. We feel like the girls are also benefitting from having to learn that mommy is not always available right away.

LOVE my Mint Condition Lacy BolderBand. Alexandra still has the flu bug in this picture.

It's my birthday month. I have to say that I'm only 100% happy about this instead of 110%. I'm realizing that 28 is awfully close to 30. My hesitation is not age, but my happiness. I am so happy with the way things are right now that I don't want anything to change. I'm aware though that things can and I'm sure will only continue to get better as our girls get older and learn and grow. I'm loving every last minute that I have with my babies both being home with me. *Note, please note these two girls scream or fight every 10-30 minutes (30 is stretching it). Everything is not peachy all the time. I'm just learning to love all the little things and take them for what they are.

This guy. That backwards hat ... what can I say! I loved spending another summer with him. *Fun side note, my hair is 100% my own color. Hasn't been this way since I started dying it 10 years ago!

Karoline is becoming such a little person. She can speak just as well as anyone she is having a conversation with. She may not know every state or letter but I have complete confidence that she could take care of herself for an entire day or show a stranger how we do things and where everything is located in our home. Many friends have asked if she is going to pre school and the answer is simply, no. She is my baby and I refuse to give up any more time with her than I have to. We did find a sing and dance class for her that she will start in October. The class is within walking distance and will make for a nice outing. She also enjoys play dates with friends and "church school" on Sunday. She is learning letters and shapes and how to be a happy kid. We learn on the counter top, walks to the mail box and everything in-between.

Karoline learned how to make pop corn on the stove this summer! She also fought every single nap. The naps she will take until she is 5.

Alexandra is growing like a weed. Her vocabulary is sprouting just as fast. I feel like as a second child she is picking things up so quickly. I love watching her follow her sister around and pick up on her habits. I often felt we were too tough on Karoline. Now realizing that Alexandra is learning from her I am happy that we set foundation in place that we did with her and her behavior. Alexandra has become quite the eater and sleeper. I'm thankful that she's caught on so quickly to those most essential life lessons. Parenting is so much easier when you can count on a good 11-12 hours of sleep from your almost 16 month old.

Her favorite place to be... when my hip isn't an option.

Our lives are ever changing and quickly at that. When I put my girls to bed I'm happy to reflect on another day well spent with them. Our rough days are getting fewer and farther apart. We had a great summer together and for that I am so thankful. Since blogs are better with pictures here are a few more from our summer!

 We had a great weekend getaway celebrating my cousins wedding in Buena Vista to kick off the summer.

 We made the most of our zoo pass. 

 We loved getting to go with friends! 

We taught Nana and Papa to take selfies.

There were many water/pool days. 

 We blew lots of bubbles! 

 We got to spend time with our adorable niece, Anna (and her parents)...

 And our family!

And some days we just sat and watched the world go by. 

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." -John 14:27

Heavy Load

Last Wednesday I took my husband to have ACL reconstruction surgery. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I thought it would be easy. I didn't prep meals, or set up help with the lawn, I almost didn't even have a baby sitter for surgery. 

I should have over prepped. It was a rough couple days. Maybe not rough but constant. Ok, it was rough.

On Friday just hours after taking Tim to Physical Therapy I had to return to the same building to get him another prescription. I wasn't thrilled, who has time for that. 

Upon leaving my mom (the baby sitter for surgery day-- thank you mom), the girls and I were hit by a driver who had missed his exit and cut across all three lanes of traffic to make an illegal U turn. I had no choice but to hit him. I knew there was no one behind me but was unsure if there were cars next to me and could not swerve. No one was hurt and we hardly felt the impact at all. 

This accident of course came with its fair share of phone calls and paper work. But if I had to do it all again, I would. Shout out to Country Financial for making this a seamless process. We ended up with two brand new car seats. 

It's been hot, don't judge the naked child.

We will have a rental car for a week. Here's the kicker, our loan on our van was paid in full AND we will also receive a check in the mail that is just about the same amount as what was paid on our van. I guess you could say my car accident was an investment in a weird way. Throughout this process I've tried to stay calm and focus on all of the positives. A broken microwave, falling down the stairs and a child with a fever of 102.7° for two days can't keep me down. I just keep thinking about Esther 4:14, that moment can be any moment. 

I've found myself wound up and anxious throughout the process from time to time. And then I read this ... 

On a grand scale my week has been a walk in the park compared to some. For me this is a lot in one week and I have to give that credit. However, it's all on me. I choose how I will carry this load. Lately I really have to focus on not getting worked up or ahead of myself. I'm having to ignore messes like this ... 

This "mess" is allowing my girls to play and me a minute of sitting down, something I really don't do often. 

I've picked going to the park over going to the store to allow for more enjoyable moments with my girls. 

We went to this park while Tim was in Physical Therapy... We didn't stay long after I saw this!!

There will always be something that I "need" to do. There will be a long list of things I "want" to do for years. Now I'm focusing on how I carry my load. I was breaking my own back (funny enough my fall down the stairs resulted in a nice bruise and scratch on my back). I was getting ahead of myself mentally and physically, you really should get down the stair before taking your next step. As I sit and watch the girls play I am fighting off the urge to vacuum and keep the house the way I like it. I know that all too soon my house will be the way I want it to be and I'll be wishing for messes. 

Here's to going out for dinner for the first time in months (even if it is to Chick-Fil-A with a gift card) and enjoying now, instead of stressing over meal prep. Here's to Cheerios in the carpet and an insane amount of sticky finger prints all over the house. 

Re-evaluate your load! I know my pack will need lightening from time to time. Thank you to our friends who have helped me lighten my load. Thank you to those that watched our girls. 

Mowed our lawn and brought us ice cream (my go to) and bacon (because, "What guy doesn't like bacon?") and toys for the girls.

To the friends who offered and I knew I could count on if we needed you, thank you.

We have been in our house for two years and have made a group of great friends. One last goal I have for myself (and for all of you), make more friends, lots of friends. Friends are good for the soul. They will be there when your load gets heavy and that is an immeasurable blessing.