Have you made your list and checked it twice?

As a mom I feel like sometimes all I do is make lists. If I'm lucky enough to cross a few things off my list it's only a matter of time until I'm adding more to it. One step forward, two steps back. Or, is the perpetual list just a part of life? Would you really want to have everything crossed off your list? In the last few weeks I have come to the realization that there will always be something that you, "Have to get done." Maybe for those of us who are the extreme A-type/list makers this is our "addiction." By finally admitting and saying it out loud, or typing it, I've been able to relax more. I take the days as they come and am able to enjoy now.

This morning I "needed" to put clean sheets on all of the beds, make meals for all three of the little girls, and Tim and I. I could feel myself starting to stress out about it. My mental list was caving in on me, then I realized what was going on. I took a step back and prioritized.  In doing so I was able to realize that this is my day, this is what I do, everything will get done. There is no reason to get ahead of myself and worry. It all worked out and Tim even made lunch for the two of us.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love a good to-do list and I sure do love to check things off. Sometimes I even write things down that I already completed just so I can check them off (don't act like you've never done that). On one of my lists has been to write our Christmas blog. I had every intention to send Christmas cards this year. But, let's be honest, they're expensive. I decided that when we have a nice family photo in future years we will send cards. Until then, it's the digital version!

A picture speaks a thousand words, or so they say. So, I thought I would do a recap of our year in pictures. Here we go, I give you the Reed family highlights of 2014!

January: Our first and last family vacation as a family of 3 (well, 3.5, hello pregnant belly). We had a great time going to see my God-parents in Scottsdale, AZ. 

February: 

 It snowed, a lot! 

This face sums up how we felt about the Bronco's losing in the Super Bowl.

 And, we live in Colorado so we needed to water the lawn, despite the snow above.

March: Our last month as a family of 3!

 First pony tail(s)!

 Daddy cut down and dug up not one, but TWO trees with a little helper! 

April: We found out that we were going to be an aunt and uncle again. Scott and Ashley were expecting a baby due in November, we were so excited! Our second baby was due any day. We waited and waited for our due date, April 8th... And then we waited some more...

But, thanks to baby staying put I was able to see two of my most favorite Middleton sisters.

Nine months, one week pregnant, "smiling," in-between contractions. One last picture before getting in the truck to go to the hospital.  

 Then I finally heard the words, "It's a girl!" You can read, "All about Alexandra."

 A family of four. 

 Time to go home. 

 Our beautiful baby.

I learned that baby wearing is quite possibly one of the greatest things ever and one of the only ways to get things done when you have more than one little one running around. 

May: Karoline turned two! 

 She loved her mini cupcakes! 

She was potty trained before her second birthday! Thank goodness, only one baby in diapers!! 

 Aunt Ashley and Uncle Scott got to come visit!

All the while I had my very own real life baby doll. 

June: After living in our home for a year we have made some friends! I recommend that any and all moms who can take their kids to a library story time do so regularly. Especially if you are searching for a way to feel at home and to meet new people. We met some great friends this way and spent the summer swimming and playing.

 Alexandra's first time in the pool.

The shirt doesn't lie!

July:

 We went to a down town wedding on July 4th. It was an honor to see a grade school friend get married in such a beautiful location!

 One weekend later one of my most dear friends was married! 

 Karoline fell in love with "Frozen," or "Elsa," as she calls it. 

 That's a cloth diaper under there. We have been using them for six months. I am a big fan after being quite skeptical in the beginning. 

We had many a car wash last summer.

August:

 Birthday party fun.

 Tiny toes.

 Playing in the sand box.

September: I was blessed with a fantastic birthday month!

 These two ... 

I received a gift I waited 6 years for! I love it! 

October: This month went by in a blink of an eye.

Sister love? 

Our sweet, darling niece, Anna Mackenzie was born on October 24th! Oh how we wished we could have been there to meet her!

Boo at the Zoo!  

Halloween night

November: 

 We are always on the move...

Always.

December: We have entered the stage in which Karoline says some very funny things.

Karoline: Dad, please wear these shoes. 

Tim: No thank you, I'm going to wear these ones instead.

Karoline: I'm sorry dad, that's not an option.

Since I have my new camera, which I have yet to really play around with, I took way too many pictures in the month of December.

 Karoline's first time seeing Santa, ever!

 Alexandra's first time seeing santa!

 Trying to not down right laugh at my moms attempt to use my camera!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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Meal Plans and Minivans ... No chicken left behind!

Last month was my birthday month, I enjoy celebrating each and every day of the glorious month of September. However, I felt like I went to the store A LOT. Come to find out, it felt that way because I did, go figure. I am usually a once a week shopper and if something is forgotten then you do without. Well, in order to keep the husband happy you have to keep the sweet tea flowing. To do that you have to remember to buy the tea bags AND sugar. Perhaps equally as important to the tea (just kidding, this is more important than his tea... maybe), fresh fruits and veggies to keep the family healthy. These things are somewhat common runs to the store around here. But, it was an unforeseen extra trip to the store that came about in a very smelly way that put me over the edge.

Last summer we were in the market for a new car. I wanted a minivan as my mom car. By wanted, I should clarify, what I really wanted was a big SUV. But, a minivan was what I felt we could afford and it would get a little bit better gas milage and would overall be more convenient. It was a vehicle that would allow our kids to be kids. To not have to worry about doors being opened into other vehicles. A vehicle that they could fall out of (don't judge, it happens) and the fall wouldn't result in injury. Tim would just about cringe when I would mention a minivan. He would say, "I'm not buying/driving a dag-gum minivan." We decided to go ahead and get his vehicle first and then we would take care of mine down the road. We were the proud new owners of a Ford F-150. And two weeks later we found out we were expecting our second child. God got a laugh out of that one, I'm sure of it.

I drove the truck and made it work. It was quite a sight to see me step onto the running board and put Karoline in her seat when I was nine months pregnant. I always made sure to park at the end of the parking lot. In order to get Karoline into her seat I needed the door all the way open. It never ceased to amaze me that with a good ten parking spots all around me I always ended up with a car right next to the truck, on the same side as her seat none the less.

Thankfully last January we went to Arizona to see my family. While there my husband got to see the glory and ease of the minivan. He was finally on board.

Recently I started watching another little girl, Olivia (9 months), in our home four days a week. She's a lovely little girl and is such a good baby. Now I really felt I needed a minivan so that all of the girls and I could get out to story time or play dates. We tried to sell our truck but didn't really get anywhere with that. We really do love the truck and decided to keep it and replace our commuter car with a van.   But, we weren't entirely sure that we were ready to get one.

Then the unthinkable happened. The smelly grocery trip I mentioned ... I went to make a whole chicken with vegetables, and I couldn't find it. It had rolled under the seat of the truck (the only place to put groceries when you're not wanting to climb into the back of the truck) and went unnoticed by Tim who brought the groceries in for me. There it sat for two days. When I went to get it out of the truck you could definitely tell there was a not so pleasant odor coming from the chicken. Thankfully a couple hours with the windows down did the trick. Unfortunately for our garbage man, the trash can did not have the same fortune of just needing to air out.

That was it, I was desperate for a minivan and an actual spot for groceries!

We were able to find a great little van that fits nicely into our budget and is perfect for the girls and I. There's a spot for all the groceries, there are even hooks to keep the grocery bags from sliding all over the place! I enjoy driving it and the ease that comes with being able to move about freely. I tell ya what, give a stay at home mama a minivan and it's like giving a carpenter a hammer (I guess this analogy only works if said carpenter had been been using a rock, so imagine that). Quick side note, the other day Alexandra was fussy while in the van, very unusual for her, she's my happy baby. So I pulled over, crawled in back, changed her, fed her (thank you tinted windows) and bam, just like that back on the road! Didn't even have to get out of the car.

With the ease and added mobility you might think, why meal plan for a month? Now that we watch Olivia it makes random trips to the store a bit harder to achieve. Totally a good thing since I don't like going to the store and random trips seem to always cost more than they should.

I decided I wanted to give meal planning for a whole month a legitimate effort. I've planned out what we are going to eat for a month before. However, I had never done all the shopping in bulk so that we had the majority of what we would eat for the month sitting and waiting in the freezer or pantry. Off to Costco we went. I was very glad I had well planned out list and we were able to get in and out with almost everything we needed. A Walmart trip was needed to get some more of the dry/packaged items. Thankfully our Walmart offers the, "Walmart to go," service so I was able to order our groceries online and just pick them up. If you're curious about this please comment or send me an email, I feel this is a great tool for busy moms. Anyway, I also went to King Soopers for the fresh produce. I found it kind of funny that in an effort to stay away from the store I ended up going to three stores in two days. All I can say is I really, really am not going back for at least 10 days, at least!

This was Tim's first time "wearing" Alexandra. It was fun to see what I look like while shopping. He enjoyed having her close. He's adorable! 

So, here it is. This list is categorized by meat type and not the order in which we will eat them. I had the lofty goal of also including a shopping list but, I didn't quite get that far. I was able to make a list of everything you need for meals but I didn't include exact amounts. We purchased all of the dry goods in bulk boxes at Costco so knowing the exact amount wasn't a necessity. With all of Alexandra's food intolerances most of these meals are allergy free. If they aren't I either substitute something (like gluten free spaghetti noodles) or I don't eat it (i.e., cheese on top). In addition to the ingredients I also have how I prepped in italics.


OCTOBER

* = produces left overs
~ = Crock pot

HAMBURGER
*Tacos with spanish rice: 1 lb hamburger, taco shells, taco seasoning, lettuce, tomato, avocado, salsa, sour cream and cheese/rice kit
Did not prep this meal, tacos are quick and easy. We either make nachos or queso dip with the left over taco meat. 
Hamburgers and side salads: 1 lb hamburger, buns, cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickles and condiments/salad bag
Since we bought the ground beef in bulk we prepped the meat into patties and put them into bags and put them into the freezer.
Hobos: 1 lb hamburger, onion, garlic, green beans, corn, potato, mushrooms, carrots, broccoli
Same as the hamburgers, we prepped the meat into portions so that they were ready to use.
~Chili and corn bread: 1 lb ground beef, onion, tomato sauce, diced tomatoes, Rotel, chili beans, tomato sauce, spices, cheese/corn bread
I cooked the beef during nap time, let it cool and put everything a gallon bag and into the freezer it went. 

CHICKEN
~*Black bean and corn salsa chicken: 4 chicken breasts, 2 cans black beans, 2 cans corn, salsa, taco seasoning/tortillas, avocado, cheese, sour cream
Prepped once the girls were in bed as directed on the link.
*Chicken (whole) and veggies: 1 whole chicken, squash, sweet potato, potato, celery, onion and garlic
Cut all of the veggies and put them into a freezer bag so that they are ready to go! 
Hot wings and french fries: 1 bag hot wings, potatoes/celery and carrots
No major prep time necessary.
~Chicken and rice soup: rotisserie chicken, chicken broth, rice a-roni, celery, carrots and onion
Once girls were asleep I cut veggies and got the rotisserie chicken off the bones and into bite size pieces and put them into a container in the fridge. Put everything in the crock pot in the morning. 
Cob salad with chicken: 2 chicken breasts, salad, hard boiled eggs, nuts and veggies
Seasoned and cooked chicken and cut into bite size pieces and put it in the fridge. This way all I have to do is set it in the fridge the night before we will eat it. 

STEAK/STEW MEAT
~*Savory pepper steak: Steak, peppers, onions, garlic and diced tomatoes
Prepped via the instructions on the link. 
~*Beef stew and biscuits: stew meat, beef bouillon, onion, garlic, carrots, celery, potato and stewed tomato/cheddar biscuits
All cut and put into a bag in the freezer, thaw over night and then add liquid. 
Steak bowls/fajitas: Steak, bell peppers, onion, garlic, rice, tortillas/sour cream, cheese, salsa and avocado
Cut steak and veggies and put into a freezer bag. 

SAUSAGE
~*Sausage and peppers: Italian sausage, peppers, onions, garlic and diced tomatoes
Prepped via the link. 
~*Bell pepper soup and quesadillas: Italian sausage, bell peppers, diced tomatoes, tomato sauce, beef bullion and rice/tortillas/cheese
Cooked italian sausage and all ingredients went into a bag, into the freezer it went! 
*Spaghetti: italian sausage, steak, diced tomatoes, tomato sauce, onion and garlic/noodles/garlic bread/cesar salad
Meat all put into freezer pre cut so that it is ready to be made when Tim is ready to make it.
Lasagna: Leftover spaghetti sauce, noodles, ricotta cheese, mozzarella cheese, parmesan cheese and side salad
Made with left over sauce in a disposable container and put into freezer. 
Stuffed Shells: Leftover spaghetti sauce, noodles, ricotta cheese, mozzarella cheese, parmesan cheese and side salad
Same as lasagna. 
Hot dogs: hot dogs, buns, condiments/beans and chips
No prep, that's right we eat hot dogs. Not all the time, but really, who doesn't love a hot dog. Don't kid yourself. 
Brotts: brotts, buns, condiments/veggies
Bought the party pack and froze in serving sizes for our family. 
One pouch feast: Polish sausage, potatoes, zucchini, peppers and onion
Cut and put into a freezer bag. 

SEA FOOD
Shrimp tacos with spanish rice: shrimp, rotel, black beans, corn, corn tortillas/rice packet
Shrimp boil: shrimp, sausage, corn on the cob, red potatoes/biscuits
Fish tacos: cod, tortillas, toppings
Fish and chips: cod, batter, french fries, tarter sauce
All of the sea food we bought was individually packaged and already frozen which makes for easy portioning for meals. 

PORK
*Pulled pork BBQ sandwiches: pork roast, bbq sauce, buns/coleslaw
Tim cooks the pork in our smoker overnight so that it's ready to eat the next day. 
Green chili: pork, green chili's, onion, garlic
Portion of leftover pork put into a freezer bag with all of the other ingredients so that they are ready to be dumped into the crock pot. 
Pulled pork chimichanga: pork, tortillas, lettuce, tomato, avocado, sour cream, salsa and cheese
Leftover pork portioned and put into the freezer. 


EXTRAS
Grilled ham/cheese and tomato soup: ham, bread, cheese and tomato soup
Deli meat and cheese
Chips and salsa

Jalapeño poppers: jalapeños, bacon, cream cheese

There you have it. My first attempt at meal planning for a month. If you would like the recipe to any meals or have any questions on how I did something on the list please feel free to ask!

Enjoy your day my fellow meal planners!

What Karoline did while I prepped a few meals! Thank you Pinterest! 

Grocery list:

MEAT

5 lb hamburger

6 chicken breasts

1 whole chicken

1 bag chicken wings

1 rotisserie chicken

stew meat

Steak (3 meals)

Italian sausage (3 packages)

Hot dogs 

Brotts

Polish sausage (2)

Shrimp (2 meals)

Pork shoulder (2)

Bacon

Lunch meat

CANNED/DRY

Diced tomatoes

Rotel

Tomato sauce

Stewed tomatoes 

Tomato soup

Green beans 

Corn

Pork n beans

Chili beans 

Black beans 

Chips (corn and potato)

Pickles

Salsa

Taco shells

Taco seasoning

Chicken and beef bullion cube

Rice a Roni 

BREAD

Buns (hot dog and hamburger)

Sandwhich bread

Tortillas 

DAIRY

Sour cream

Cheese (singles and shredded)

Cream cheese

PRODUCE

avocado 

Tomato 

Onion

Mushroom 

Broccoli 

Squash

Celery

Lettuce

Salad

Coleslaw

Jalapeños

2 sets Bell peppers (R, O & Y)

Garlic

Potato (russet and red)

Carrots

Sweet potatoes

Corn on the cob 

Green chiles

I'd Never

I thought I would compile a list of things that I thought I would never do... And, then I became a mom.

• I'd never let my daughter go out in public with messy hair. One time I looked down in the check out of the store and sure enough, I forgot to do her hair. Further more, even when I do do her hair, her carseat usually makes it look just as messy as it was before it was done. 
• I'd never let my girls leave the house with out a bow in their hair/on their heads. I try really hard to keep bows in their hair or on their heads. When I saw the little dent lines on their heads as newborns this quickly went out the window. However, I do still adore bows on their heads and try pretty hard to keep them in/on their hair.
• I'd never let my kid eat candy. My husband wanted peanut M&M's in the house (I don't like chocolate). Karoline usually has one every day.
• I'd never bribe my child with candy. Yea, this happens, I can't deny it. 
• I'd never let my kids watch TV. For about a month Karoline asked for, "Elsa," every day. Thankfully that stage is over and she never did sit and zone out and actually watch it. Usually it was just on as background noise. But, it was still on. 
• I'd never yell at my child. I have. I'm not proud of this. I often pray that I will learn to communicate and love my child first and take the time to discipline with a purpose instead of reacting. 
• I'd never let my child tell me, "No." She does, a lot, we're working on it. We promote, "No thank you." 
• I'd never be able to be mad at my children. Did I mention that she says, "No," a lot?! I did not realize that I could get upset with a small little person. The same little person that I love whole heartedly and would do anything for including laying down my own life for. This again is an area in which I pray often about. 
• I would never let a baby sleep in my bed. Karoline was in our bed a couple times. Alexandra slept in our bed for about a month and then slept with us the last few hours of the morning for a few more months. I loved it, it helped me to feel like I was getting some time with just her, even if we were just sleeping. 
• I'd never put my girls in matching outfits. This was more so a request from my husband. But, we happened to have these onsies that were both hand me downs, how could I not put them in them on the same day!
• I'd never put social media in front of my kids. As a stay at home mom my communication and time in the outside world is quite a bit less than it used to be. Social media was a way to have interaction with other adults and to know what was going in in the lives of others with out having to call each one individually. 

That last bullet point had been on my heart for quite some time. I was always against missing out on time with my girls thanks to social media, who isn't? It sounds so dumb that this was even an issue for me to begin with. But, there were some mornings that the first thing I would do, before I even got out of bed was scroll through a news feed to see what was going on, in other people's lives. Now, don't get me wrong, social media like Facebook and Instagram truly are a wonderful tool if they are used right. But, in the last six months I came to realize that when I was looking at Facebook I felt that the time I pulled away from my life and my family was being replaced by so much junk. Junk that did not leave me feeling like my time was well spent. Further more, there were times where I would be sitting with my sweet Karoline and I would be focused on my phone, not her. This isn't to say that I feel like she needs 100% of my attention all the time. However, I do feel like by being engaged in scrolling through my phone I was conveying to her that just sitting with her was not enough. 

After Alexandra was born I took the Facebook app off my phone. When we were out of town for a few days I put it back on my phone. Upon returning home I fell back into my old ways of scrolling through the pages. I quickly removed the app once more. Again, I feel like it's so funny that this was even an issue. With the app on my phone it was just all too accessible and such an easy way to waste time. As a mom of two little girls time is a valuable asset to me.

Further more, not only was I taking time from my kids, I was robbing time from myself. I was able to find plenty of time for social media. But, I was not finding or taking the time rather for time with my bible and devotional. We tried a new church a few weeks ago (that we love) and the pastor had a message just for me. He said that in his life he has been focusing on the following: "When you're working, be working. When you're resting, rest." He said that for himself, aimlessly scrolling through Facebook was neither. I feel the same way. I do understand that for some it is restful to catch up with friends and family and there are times that I do enjoy that as well, when the time is right.

Now I start my day with devotional and bible. I do not open up a single app on my phone (unless it is my new bible app that reads to me, love it) until I have been able to have my quiet time. 

Just to drive the message home, I really do feel like this is such a silly problem. One that stay at home moms of the 50s would laugh at I am sure of it. However, it had been on my heart for quite some time. For all of you that stick out this post and read it to the end (thanks by the way) I have a goal in mind for you. If there's something in your life that you feel like you are devoting to much time to and it isn't having a positive impact on your life, cut it out. I've cut out using Facebook on my phone, as well as while my girls are awake. The difference in my day is not one that would be viewed as grand but, I can honestly say that I am a happier in the sense that I'm no longer wasting time. When I get onto Facebook, I get on, look at a few friends and family members pages to see pictures of cute kiddos and that's it. There's no aimless scrolling or time sucking. 

September 3,

"LET THE DEW OF MY PRESENCE refresh your mind and heart. So many, many things vie for your attention in this complex world of instant communication. The world has changed enormously since I first gave the command to be still and know that I am God. However, this timeless truth is essential for the well-being of your soul. As dew refreshes grass and flowers during the stillness of the night, so My Presence revitalizes you as you sit quietly with Me." -Jesus Calling, Sarah Young

For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints. 

- 1 Corinthians 14:33 NKJV

The Stay At Home Mom

It's a good thing I write everything down, otherwise I would have no clue what we did on what days this week.

Last weekend we were in Canon City to see my sister in law for four days and three nights. Our usual limit is three days and two nights. But, this time we made an exception so we could have some more time with family. Two runny noses, non-napping girls and three colds later (Tim was the only one that escaped with out the crud) we realized, yes, we would do it all again. But man, kids sure are a handful. Duh, right?

I get asked this question a lot, "How is it with two girls so close in age?" My response is always, "Constant. It's not hard, it's constant." There is always someone who needs something, Tim and I included.

This week has amplified that answer. On Monday, after returning home and not getting to bed until after midnight, I woke up with the girls at their normal time (7am). In order to keep them quite enough so that Tim can sleep it involves a lot of shushing. I have found that taking them for a walk to the park is much easier. So, we went to the park to have breakfast. I was exhausted after getting about 15 hours of sleep over the course of the last three nights. We went anyway, it really is easier than shushing Karoline all morning long.

On Tuesday I took Alexandra (and Karoline) to her four month well visit in Littleton. We live in Westminster, so it's a 45 minute drive. We like our pediatrician and feel it's worth it to continue making the drive until our girls are old enough to no longer want a male doctor or can convey their thoughts well enough to tell a doctor what is bothering them. Anyway, after being told she was advanced in all of her developments I then asked about the soft spot on the back of her head that has yet to close. I had been doing some reading and found that it normally closes by four months of age. The doctor looked again. I then asked if her longer head shape could have anything to do with it. He looked again. Her head shape was unique enough that he did not feel comfortable making the call. He wanted us to see a specialist. A neurosurgeon. As a mom, my heart sank. And this was the second time I had heard something like this. Karoline has a crooked butt crack and has a little dimple above it. We had to see a neurosurgeon when she was about the same age to make sure there were no problems concerning her spinal cord. Her visit was extremely fast and ended with the doctor saying her butt was, "Underwhelming."

Here we were again, needing to see a specialist just to double check and make sure that our sweet girl was fine. I called our family and let them know, I texted friends. All were such a great support system and assured me that she would be fine. I called the neurosurgeons office and had to leave a message. As the day went on my fears started to relax. I tell you what, as a mom your brain can literally have you in the darkest of places when you think that there could be something wrong with your baby. The thoughts and scenarios that played out in my mind were nothing short of horrific. I prayed and talked it out with friends and was able to get back to a good place. The next day, Wednesday, the office called. They wanted to see Alexandra as soon as possible, Friday. My mind was off again. Did they want to see her because they felt it was serious? Then I thought, maybe it is just simply that we have good insurance or that they had a cancellation and wanted to fill the slot. But, my mind kept going back to my first thought, is it serious?

Thursday rolled around, I was able to sleep in until 7:30, it was wonderful. A friend of ours wanted to go for a morning walk. While I was running around trying to keep everyone quiet and gather up our things I ran into another obstacle. I had sat Karoline down to go potty before we left the house. After getting her pants back up she complained that her, "Pee pee hurt." That's right we use, pee pee, I can't bring myself to call it what it is with my two year old, I just can't. Anyway, this was the third time now. The first time we pumped her full of cranberry juice. The second time, a week later, we did the same thing. Now here we were a week later and she had just made the same proclamation, again. So, I called the doctor and got her in. My amazing daughter downed a bunch of juice and was able to pee in a cup, thank goodness. After an exam and a urine test she was given a clean bill of health. The doctor suggested upping her juice intake to keep her bowel movements at a daily rate. Apparently with little girls constipation can be a cause for "pee pee" pain. Who knew. All I know is we are going to get some prune juice and some flushable wipes. I wondered if maybe the toilet paper was also the issue.

Friday: I got up early with Alexandra and got the two of us ready. Then I got Karoline ready so she would be easy for Tim. Poor guy got hardly any sleep before I had to wake him up to watch Karoline. Alexandra and I found our way down town to her appointment with the neurosurgeon. The doctor was late so I was able to really enjoy some one on one time with my baby. After a few looks at Alexandra's head she told me that her head shape is completely normal. Then she moved on to looking at her soft spot, what I thought was her rear fontanelle. She felt around a bit and then gave a little laugh. Alexandra's rear fontanelle is completely closed. The spot in which I was referring to has no name, it is an extra soft spot. The doctor told me that she had never seen anything like it until just a few weeks ago in the NICU. After discovering that baby's extra soft spot she did quite a bit of research and still could not find a name for the extra soft spot. Thank goodness she had run into it just weeks prior so that this was not a shock to her. I'm not entirely sure how I would have handled being told that she had never seen anything like it before. She measured her extra soft spot and we scheduled an appointment for two months from now to make sure that the spot is closing. In talking to my mom later on, come to find out, I had the extra soft spot as well. I turned out just fine (go ahead, make a joke), so hopefully Alexandra will check out well in a few weeks too.

You might be wondering where the name of this blog comes into play. Well, here ya go...

On Monday when I was exhausted and took the kids to the park anyway I felt myself getting sick and weak. I was not taking care of myself well enough so that I could take care of my kids. On Tuesday I found out about Alexandra's head shape and was beside myself.

Wednesday was a blur. However, I left something out of my earlier description of Wednesday. That afternoon I lost my temper with my small, fragile two year old daughter. It was not my finest hour, I was less than patient with her. I prayed about it and was hoping to make sure that something like that would not happen again. I even went as far as to question being a stay at home mom. I wondered, is it really in my kids best interest for me to be a stay at home mom if I have moments like this? Maybe being away from the home for a little bit would rejuvenate me?

Thursday morning when we went walking with my friend I found myself telling her that I felt like I am barley surviving as a stay at home mom. She told me that she loves being a stay at home mom and that she wouldn't want any other job in the world. I told her I felt the same way, until I had two kids.

That afternoon I needed a break from the constant, I couldn't take it. I put Karoline in her playroom and put Alexandra in her crib. I went to the bathroom and turned on the fan so that I could have just a few minutes of not hearing anything but that fan. I cried. Then I realized something so simple. I am blessed. Blessed beyond measure to have my, "problems."

I have thought about my response now for two days. It broke my heart that I even said it, let alone said it to someone else. I would never, EVER want any other job. There's not enough money in the world for me to miss out on a smile from my little joy, Alexandra. Or a complete sentence with so much thought behind it from my sweet Karoline.

My sister in law put it so nicely, she told me that we are all allowed to have our "moments." But to me, this whole last week was full of moments.

Today I came to realize that my problem is not that I'm not, "surviving" as a stay at home mom. It's that I feel that I'm not thriving. I'm disappointed with the way that I have wasted opportunities to show my children love and compassion at times of adversity. I haven't taken advantage of many teachable moments. Life is so short, why not let your daughter take her time deciding which shoes she wants to wear. Or bend over and learn about the different colored flowers on the way to the mail box.

After writing this blog I let it sit for a few days. I felt so much better after getting it all out. I thought seriously about not posting it. But, on September 2nd I read this in my daily devotional...

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me....For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I'm openly sharing my weakness in hopes that it will help lift up others. I stopped taking care of myself during that busy week. I was tired from worrying about my girls. I was hungry, getting used to the new allergy free diet for Alexandra was taking extra work, and I wasn't taking the time to find alternatives that I could eat. The last conversation I had with my mother in law before she passed is one that I need to remember more often. I was pregnant with Karoline and she told me, "Take care of that baby. But, take care of YOURSELF first." In order to be the mom that I want to be, the mom that thrives, I have to take care of me.

If I am taking care of myself then I can take care of my family on the level that I wish to do so. With myself taken care of the girls and I can stay busy. We do better when we get out of the house and explore. For weeks now I've been saying that I need to do more. Talk is cheap if you don't do anything about it. So, from here on out we are going to go and do, and explore. We are going to take advantage of life. We are going to live and learn and love. Don't get me wrong, there are still going to be times that my two year old gets me almost to the edge of exploding, and I'd be lying if I didn't think that I would never have moments I'm not proud of ever again. But, my hope is that by openly expressing my desire to not let that happen that it will happen less often. She's only two, a simple time out or a nap will work wonders for both of us.

During that week that I felt so overwhelmed I reached out to a friends older sister, who I am blessed enough to claim as my own. She had wonderful advice for me. One thing that stuck out the most was something she had seen on Pinterest. A little sign that said, "Don't judge someone else's highlight real to your behind the scenes." That simple realization made a huge impact on me. I hope that by sharing this week's events that those who have found themselves comparing take a step back and look at their roles as mothers on a smaller scale. With the internet and social media it is easy to get wrapped up in only seeing the super mom moments.

In my opinion, parenting is by far the hardest and most rewarding job out there. I pray that we are all able to give ourselves a little slack for the moments we aren't proud of. And, the strength to move forward and thrive as the parents we want to be.

Taking the time to enjoy smiles and exploring a glass with my smallest little girl. 

The Homemaker and the Washing Machine

My cloth diapers had finally come in the mail. I was skeptical, yet excited to start using them. Before I could prep them, (essentially wash them over and over) I needed to finish all of the other laundry in the house.

A full dark load was in the washer. I pushed the on button and began to select the wash cycle, before letting the machine finish its nice little, "I'm on chime." And then, the machine shut down. No friendly turning off chime, just a sudden, someone pulled the plug, type of shut down. Great, you see, a few months prior, while I was eight months pregnant, this same thing happened. 

I scrambled to find the reset code that the repair man had given us the last time he was here. It didn't work. Quite reluctantly, I called the repair company. I'm going to leave the name out of this blog, but let's just say that the company name may, or may not, rhyme with the word, "Fears." This abrupt shut down had occurred just days before our one year warranty expired. If there was anything I learned from my dad it was, always pay with cash and never waste your cash on a warranty.  If a product is faulty it's going to have it's issues in the first year you own it and (most) products carry a manufacturers warranty of one year. 

Back to the point, once I was able to get through to someone on the phone I was over joyed when I was told a repair man would be out the very next morning. The next day I missed a phone call from a 1-800 number. It was the repair company, an automated message left instructions to call as soon as possible, our appointment needed to be rescheduled. 

I quickly called, trying not to get too worked up. Come to find out, there really was not an appointment available for the time frame we were given. The first customer service person I spoke with, in my opinion simply just wanted to get things done and over with and did not check availability. While this was all rolling around in my head I hear, "Our next available appointment is a week out." Excuse me? What, how many faulty appliances are you selling? I lost my cool, but, I never did raise my voice. I simply kept restating that obviously that would not work. I have a two year old and a new born. There's no way. The worst part of it is, a few months back, we were run through the exact same obstacle corse. Only that time, Tim was the one who lost it. He was able to get put on a list, if anything opened up sooner we would get that appointment. I took the appointment I was given and was fuming. 

I took to social media and used every hash tag and handle that I could on twitter to get the attention of someone. And, I did. I now had my own, "case" and a direct line in which I could speak to the same woman through out the whole process. Our washer was now set to be fixed in just a couple days. 

Great, right? Wrong. Normally I had been running the washer and dryer once a day. Just as soon as I had enough to make a decent size load. As fate would have it, I had been focusing on being in the moment with my girls prior to the washer breaking. So, the laundry had not been done for a couple of days. I had three (dark, light and pink-the pink load is always my favorite) large loads of laundry that had to be done and done soon. I looked up where the nearest laundromat was. That wasn't going to work, it was twenty minutes away and in a somewhat questionable neighborhood. I thought about asking a friend if we could use her washer, but she has a little one too and I didn't want to bother her. 

Light bulb, we were watching our neighbors dog. They were do to get home in the afternoon. I was able to get ahold of our neighbors (who are truly the best neighbors anyone could ask for), and get permission to use their washer. Tim had not left for work yet so I was able to run over and get a load started with out any kids in toe. I set an alarm on my phone and was able to get two loads washed before he headed to work. 

Somewhere in the midst of walking back and forth to keep the loads moving (I would bring them home and dry them in our dryer) I had an epiphany. What a huge blessing this all was. First, our washer broke just days before the warranty was up, the repair would be free. The washer did end up needing a new part. Maybe now, thanks to this repair, we will have no further issues for the life of the washer. Second, I was able to get our clothes washed with minimal effort. While getting the last load taken care of I had Alexandra in the chest carrier (Karoline was napping, I had her in my pocket, via the baby monitor). My imagination wondered ... I pictured myself walking down to the river bank with a bucket of dirty clothes on my head (total Jungle Book vision) with a baby on my hip and a toddler running along side me to clean the clothes. My feet shifted underneath me, the rocks between our houses were lose and were hard to walk on with my basket and extra front weight. I kept going with the little story that was playing out in my head. I was barefoot and had slipped on the muddy banks, there were snakes and spiders and it was going to take all afternoon to wash the clothes. 

My imagination made the whole thing kind of fun. More than that it made me extremely thankful for how blessed we are. What a truly blessed life we live for our biggest, "problem," to be a broken washing machine. I teared up thinking about how silly it was to be so upset that we couldn't get our washer fixed for a week. Yes, it would have been an inconvenience. It certainly is not a necessity and we could have made something work (and we did). My heart was broken thinking about all of the families who would love for their problem to be a broken washing machine. While there I was: I knew what we were going to eat for dinner that day, our house was a nice temperature, we have clean drinking water and a safe home. Our babies are healthy and our family is together. 

When you sit back and look at your problems on a grand scale it allows you to see the light and the blessings in your trials and tribulations. As you read this my hope was that you were able to find the ability to refocus your energy with a problem you are facing and turn it into a positive. There's always a bright side, even if you have to peal back a couple of layers to find it.

The Ins and Outs

The ins and outs of new born life. I thought this was a clever title to talk about breast feeding and cloth diapers in one post, the two do really go hand in hand if you think about it. You now know the purpose of this post. Words like, breasts and poop will be used, you've been forewarned.

While in the hospital after having Alexandra it became quite clear that I was becoming her personal pacifier. As a direct result I didn't even make it home with out extremely sore, um, well, we will just call it like it is, nipples. Guess, I should have added that word to the warning, exit now if it offends you. This blog will only ever exist to document and share my mommy experiences and medical terms are part of that. Anyway, so there I was, extremely sore and not knowing what to do. Then we discovered the miracle that is the pacifier. We call it a, "soothie," since that was the brand of pacifier they had at the hospital, creative, I know. After figuring out that she could suck on something other than mom that made things a bit easier. Jot this down as another, "mistake," "lesson learned," we made with Karoline. After reading all of the pregnancy books and breast feeding books I did not want her to have a pacifier, not even as a new born. So, she didn't. I was worried she wouldn't breast feed well, or that she would "have" to have one to sleep or as she got older.

After getting home and trying to get into a rhythm with two kids I still had the painful feat of feeding my baby. When I had Karoline I did not experience labor. So, I would often say, "I didn't experience labor, but breastfeeding this kid has got to be as painful as that." I now know that's not the case (thank you Alexandra and your 28 hour labor before a c-section). But, in my experience breastfeeding my daughters is the second most painful thing I've ever gone through. I remember thinking those first few weeks after Alexandra was born, I'm going to find time to blog about how horrible this is. Sounds dramatic, but it was. I have to admit that if it weren't for the fact that I had breastfed my first born and wanted my second baby to have just as much of a head start in life as she got, formula wasn't so expensive, or that breast milk really is like liquid gold, I would have quit. Any woman who attempts to breastfeed, I applaud you. Any woman who has a supportive husband in her life, you are applauded as well. It takes a great support team to make breast feeding work. That support gets you through those moments of wanting to throw in the towel.

Fortunately, I never had an issue with supply, with either of my girls. Pacifier myth, busted. We also use a bottle for Alexandra every few days so that she has a way to eat when I'm not home for some reason or another. She still likes to breastfeed. Nipple confusion myth, busted. Of course this is not always the case, all babies are different. But, like in my last post, if I've learned anything from having a second child it is, go with the flow. Do what you need to do and don't worry about this, that, and the other.

A major hurdle was jumped when we reached six weeks and I didn't have mastitis. Mastitis is a horrible infection in your breast that often results from a clogged milk duct. If you are having your first baby I strongly urge you to google this and know the warning signs. I had mastitis when Karoline was just 4 weeks old and it was absolutely miserable. The worst, "sick," I've ever been. I was very cautious about it this time and actually could feel it trying to happen twice and was able to keep it from taking hold. I was very thankful. But, I still was worried and the worry was not helping anyone. When I finally realized, what is going to happen will happen weather I worry or not I was able to let it go. Let it go, let it go ... sorry, my darling two year old only requests one movie right now, bet ya can't guess which one.

With both of my rounds with breastfeeding I've had to deal with an over supply. I am thankful that this has been the problem I've encountered, versus not having enough milk. But, it is my experience that this is very frustrating and painful. There is a fine line between pumping enough to avoid mastitis and over stimulating your body's production.

With Karoline I felt like breast feeding and all of it's glory would never end. This time I am in shock that we are already only 3 months away from trying solid foods! The pain is now gone. A huge help with alleviating pain, for me, is to feed the baby while laying in bed. We both lay down, I am more relaxed, she is more relaxed and a better latch is achieved. The "let down," reflex is getting less painful and things are going well. I'm glad that I never did find the time to blog about my hate for breastfeeding early on. It truly is such an amazing thing to know that you are providing food for your baby. Keep in mind that my dislike and my hate for breastfeeding was with child number two. It just goes to show you that having kids is like apples and oranges. While I had a hard time with Karoline, and there were often times I would cry while I fed her because it hurt so bad, I still never even thought about calling it quits. My advice is to always have a good support system and to ask for help.

While in the hospital I didn't receive any breast feeding support from the staff, I loved our hospital experience but thought this was a bit odd. I am assuming this was because it was my second baby and we appeared to be doing so well with breastfeeding. This was my fault, I should have asked for help. I might not have had such a painful experience from the get go. Always ask for help, don't leave the hospital until you feel confident. On the flip side, with Karoline there were always people asking how it was going and lactation specialist who would come in and literally grab me (on the breast) and show me how to breastfeed. But, all the while it was a very scary process for me and the constant checking really upset me because it wasn't helping. So, if you're not getting the help you need or are feeling rushed, say so. You are your biggest advocate when it comes to breastfeeding.

I said it before, I'll say it again, if you breastfeed, go you! It annoys me that I have to intersect this here, but this is to avoid getting nasty comments. If you don't breastfeed or didn't this is in no way a slam against you. I am only speaking to my experiences. And from my experience, breast feeding is hard and a breastfeeding mom deserves a high five every now and then.

Alright, onto part two. My thoughts on cloth diapering. This is short and sweet, I love it! Alexandra was staring to show signs of getting rashes when I made the decision to switch to cloth diapers. Karoline never once had a diaper rash and I was a little upset when I noticed Alexandra was showing signs to be prone to them. I decided to nip that in the butt, pun intended. Choosing cloth diapers was also a financial decision. I'm a stay at home mom, why not do it and save the extra money. With help from some mama friends and this blog (p.s. her whole blog is awesome, check it out), I was able to get the inspiration I needed to make the switch. It's a little bit of work but, at the same time, it's oddly rewarding.

Alexandra also is showing signs of having an intolerance to something I'm eating. I think I have determined it to be dairy. I have cut dairy out of my diet, as well as gluten, something I've been wanting to do for a while. I'm two days in on my new healthy eating life style, I'm not calling it a diet because the goal is not to lose weight, and I don't like the word. I am hoping that I am able to not only change my eating habits but my families as well. I'm very excited about this.

Now, I just said that weight loss is not the goal, remember that. However, weight gain and loss is a part of pregnancy and I feel like reading about other real life moms and their weight gain/loss stories helps to create a healthy image. I gained 40 pounds with Alexandra. That means I weighed 166 pounds when she was born. Today I had a doctors appointment, I asked the nurse if I could jump on the scale. I weighed 133 pounds, Alexandra is three months old,  I have lost 33 pounds with little to no effort. I am a firm believer that it takes nine months to gain baby weight, it takes nine months to lose it. Even so, if you're breastfeeding beyond nine months, it may take even longer. Since I do breast feed my babies beyond the nine month mark I know that it will take me personally a bit longer to lose the extra weight. But, boy was I excited to see that I only have seven pounds to go to pre Alexandra weight. I say pre Alexandra weight because I was still breastfeeding Karoline when she came into the picture. I had not lost all my baby weight from my first pregnancy yet, I still had six pounds to go. Losing weight after having Karoline took a lot longer to come off. I am already able to wear clothes that took me a year to fit into after having Karoline. This time the weight is coming off faster, I could wear my wedding ring just a few weeks after we got home, instead of six months after. Pretty sure I have chasing a toddler around to thank for that! I do think that in changing to a healthy life style I will see a change in my body, a positive change. I hope to have more energy as well. But, first and foremost, I hope that my daughter is able to digest a little bit easier.

There you have it, my thoughts on the ins and outs and a little bit on pregnancy weight as well.

Every blog needs a cute picture. Don't mind the Halloween pumpkin in the background. Don't you know you can't organize/declutter/get rid of things with out a toddler "needing" what you're trying to  put away. 


*A friend of mine just gave me some great information about breastfeeding and pumps...
Medela's online breastfeeding course is free with this code: BRUEgX74fR
There is an all purpose nipple ointment, it is an RX that needs to be compounded by the pharmacy but works better than Lanolin (I would have loved this).
Most insurance companies will now cover a Medela breast pump! Start by calling the number on the back of you insurance card to check. Some lactation nurses can help too. Third party companies, like Babies R Us advertise they can help by billing the insurance companies for the pump!

The 4th Trimester

The fourth trimester ...

I'm not sure where I read about the, "Fourth trimester." But, I'm glad that I did. I read that the first three months of a babies life they live on the outside the way they did on the inside. All the while slowly becoming accustom to life outside the womb.

When Karoline was born I was uptight. I wanted her to be able to sleep on her own. Almost every time she fell asleep I would set her down. She had to learn to sleep by herself. I did this even when she was just three weeks old, not kidding. I wanted to get sleep training done and done, "right." I wasn't waiting around until I was exhausted. There are so many things I would have done differently with her. She is now the epitome of a first born child. When she falls and you ask if she is ok or if she needs anything she says, "No," and consoles herself. There are times when she will come running to mom and dad, but more often than not she will take care of it herself or will turn to her blanket. This breaks my heart, like I said, there are so many things I would have done differently. I'm thankful to realize this now. I hope that I will now parent her in a more relaxed matter due to the things I've learned in the last few months with Alexandra.

At 7 weeks old Alexandra slept for 8 hours straight and had I switched to a better night time diaper I think she would have slept better even earlier. This little bundle of joy did not like to be swaddled, never did, and still doesn't. Instead, she would rather have mommy right by her side. If you remember the concept of the fourth trimester makes perfect sense. Why wouldn't she want mommy right next to her. For 41 weeks we were as close as close can get, can ya blame her? So, instead of fighting it, she slept with me for 3 weeks. Now, before anyone decides to judge or say that I could have rolled over her. No, I could not. Tim would watch Alexandra and I sleeping and one night woke me up when he helped me put my hand down. I had my arm up above my head and was trying to bring it down by my side. I could not do this in my sleep because I was aware that Alexandra was in the way. So, he gently guided my arm down. There were and have been several nights where my body will go numb or my arm fall asleep in order to not hurt my baby. Anyway, back to the point. I let her sleep by me. I was able to heal from my c-section much faster this time around. I credit the extra sleep.

My baby would nurse with me and then fall sleep cuddled up to my body. Of course there were the occasional diaper changes but it was a very peaceful ordeal. When she woke up I would change her, nurse her and we would both fall asleep (you would think after having Karoline I would have known to put down a ton of towels ... I did put them down, but it wasn't enough. I tell ya, my body must think that I had twins). We would do this a couple of times through out the night and every time she would just go right back to sleep because mom was there. Around the four week mark I realized I wasn't all too comfortable while I was sleeping. So, at this point I started putting Alexandra into her bed for the first portion of the night which was when she was notoriously sleeping her longest chunk, about 6 hours. When she woke up to eat then she usually ended up spending the rest of the night in bed with me.

I am not the mom who sticks to a schedule. I am however a big fan of routines. My girls take a bath every night. In doing this they know that bed time is coming, this is when we sleep. I'm sure that by now Karoline might not need the bath to trigger that she is going to bed soon. But, I don't want to chance it. Plus, have you smelled toddlers lately, I tell ya she bathes every day and she earns it. After that everything is pretty much clock work. We brush teeth, read books, say prayers, sing songs give hugs and kisses and say goodnight. As for Alexandra, she plays while all this is happening. Then her and I retreat to my bedroom, she's still in our room, something I hope will help with traveling down the road. Karoline was and still does not sleep well when she can hear other noises, like Tim or I rolling over. Also, to be honest, I'm not ready for her to be out of our room. Tim has told me he's leaving that up to me. As he put it, "Your intuition will tell me when it's right for her to be in her room." I nurse Alexandra and let her fall asleep while nursing (yes, I know there are some things that say not to do this... This is what she is comfortable with and at ease with so this is what we do). Some nights I pick her up and put her in her pack and play and she's out like a light. Then there are other nights, like tonight, where it takes a few more attempts.

My husband always told me, "Just go with the flow," when Karoline was born. I was not able to do this. It just wasn't part of my nature. Side note: he is my better half, he has helped me to become a better version of myself in more ways than one. He didn't give up, he would repeat, just go with the flow, over and over in many situations. Sometime over the course of the last few years this must have sunk in. Now that Alexandra is here that is exactly what I do. Let me tell you what, I am a happier and better mama because of it. I am beyond blessed to have a husband who didn't give up on me and didn't let me get caught up in having to do things the, "right," way.

I am a more relaxed version of myself now. Much more so than I remember being in any years prior to Alexandra. Things get done when they get done. Something that I have to remind myself often is that I am a stay at home mom. I don't have anything that I "HAVE" to do other than keeping my children cared for. Yet, there are days that I have to remind myself that there is nothing more important than my children. This seems like a no brainer. What I mean is, there are times that I get frustrated that I can't get something done, email, the dishes, my hair, you name it. When this happens it is hard to take a step back and remember, none of this matters. The most important part of my day (aside from my relationship with God) is my children, they are my reason for waking up every morning. I have to interject: Tim, my husband is my first priority, with out him my children do not exist. We came to this conclusion before having kids, we realize that while we love our babies, we love each other more. Without us, there is no them. Back to my point, hair, emails, cleaning, all can wait. By making this realization I am able to take the time to focus on my girls and what they need with out getting upset. One more side bar thought: I don't feel this is an excuse to not have a clean house. There are little signs on Pinterest, Facebook, and other sites that say something to the likes of, "A good mom has messy floors, dishes to do, and laundry to fold." These signs irritate me. In my opinion being a good mom also means keeping a clean home for your children to grow up in. My sister in law pointed that out to me when I was feeling guilty for taking the time to clean. I am very thankful she put it the way she did so that I could realize that I was not ignoring my kids and putting a clean home ahead of them. Instead I clean my home for them. So, once a week I do all of the deep cleaning, some days it's done by noon and some days I finish when they are asleep. I just go with the flow, but it does get done. Every other day I clean messes as they are made and make sure our house is on order before I go to bed. Alright, I digress ... This is easier said than done, and more times than I can count I have to remind myself that I don't "need" to do anything and that my kids needs come first. It's something that I pray about and work on every day.

In taking things easy and letting my second daughter come to know the world around her in a comfortable and comforting setting I myself have changed, for the better. I wish I could have been this way for Karoline. Coulda, woulda, shoulda, I'm thankful that I view my role as a wife and mom with a more relaxed attitude now.

Yesterday Alexandra hit the three month mark. We no longer are in the fourth trimester, according to the article I read she is adapted to her surroundings. She is no longer a new born, she is an infant. She now sleeps 10 hours straight at night. She loves to smile, she cries when she needs something, she is happy and healthy. She has love in her eyes and is a complete joy. I am blessed.