The Homemaker and the Washing Machine

My cloth diapers had finally come in the mail. I was skeptical, yet excited to start using them. Before I could prep them, (essentially wash them over and over) I needed to finish all of the other laundry in the house.

A full dark load was in the washer. I pushed the on button and began to select the wash cycle, before letting the machine finish its nice little, "I'm on chime." And then, the machine shut down. No friendly turning off chime, just a sudden, someone pulled the plug, type of shut down. Great, you see, a few months prior, while I was eight months pregnant, this same thing happened. 

I scrambled to find the reset code that the repair man had given us the last time he was here. It didn't work. Quite reluctantly, I called the repair company. I'm going to leave the name out of this blog, but let's just say that the company name may, or may not, rhyme with the word, "Fears." This abrupt shut down had occurred just days before our one year warranty expired. If there was anything I learned from my dad it was, always pay with cash and never waste your cash on a warranty.  If a product is faulty it's going to have it's issues in the first year you own it and (most) products carry a manufacturers warranty of one year. 

Back to the point, once I was able to get through to someone on the phone I was over joyed when I was told a repair man would be out the very next morning. The next day I missed a phone call from a 1-800 number. It was the repair company, an automated message left instructions to call as soon as possible, our appointment needed to be rescheduled. 

I quickly called, trying not to get too worked up. Come to find out, there really was not an appointment available for the time frame we were given. The first customer service person I spoke with, in my opinion simply just wanted to get things done and over with and did not check availability. While this was all rolling around in my head I hear, "Our next available appointment is a week out." Excuse me? What, how many faulty appliances are you selling? I lost my cool, but, I never did raise my voice. I simply kept restating that obviously that would not work. I have a two year old and a new born. There's no way. The worst part of it is, a few months back, we were run through the exact same obstacle corse. Only that time, Tim was the one who lost it. He was able to get put on a list, if anything opened up sooner we would get that appointment. I took the appointment I was given and was fuming. 

I took to social media and used every hash tag and handle that I could on twitter to get the attention of someone. And, I did. I now had my own, "case" and a direct line in which I could speak to the same woman through out the whole process. Our washer was now set to be fixed in just a couple days. 

Great, right? Wrong. Normally I had been running the washer and dryer once a day. Just as soon as I had enough to make a decent size load. As fate would have it, I had been focusing on being in the moment with my girls prior to the washer breaking. So, the laundry had not been done for a couple of days. I had three (dark, light and pink-the pink load is always my favorite) large loads of laundry that had to be done and done soon. I looked up where the nearest laundromat was. That wasn't going to work, it was twenty minutes away and in a somewhat questionable neighborhood. I thought about asking a friend if we could use her washer, but she has a little one too and I didn't want to bother her. 

Light bulb, we were watching our neighbors dog. They were do to get home in the afternoon. I was able to get ahold of our neighbors (who are truly the best neighbors anyone could ask for), and get permission to use their washer. Tim had not left for work yet so I was able to run over and get a load started with out any kids in toe. I set an alarm on my phone and was able to get two loads washed before he headed to work. 

Somewhere in the midst of walking back and forth to keep the loads moving (I would bring them home and dry them in our dryer) I had an epiphany. What a huge blessing this all was. First, our washer broke just days before the warranty was up, the repair would be free. The washer did end up needing a new part. Maybe now, thanks to this repair, we will have no further issues for the life of the washer. Second, I was able to get our clothes washed with minimal effort. While getting the last load taken care of I had Alexandra in the chest carrier (Karoline was napping, I had her in my pocket, via the baby monitor). My imagination wondered ... I pictured myself walking down to the river bank with a bucket of dirty clothes on my head (total Jungle Book vision) with a baby on my hip and a toddler running along side me to clean the clothes. My feet shifted underneath me, the rocks between our houses were lose and were hard to walk on with my basket and extra front weight. I kept going with the little story that was playing out in my head. I was barefoot and had slipped on the muddy banks, there were snakes and spiders and it was going to take all afternoon to wash the clothes. 

My imagination made the whole thing kind of fun. More than that it made me extremely thankful for how blessed we are. What a truly blessed life we live for our biggest, "problem," to be a broken washing machine. I teared up thinking about how silly it was to be so upset that we couldn't get our washer fixed for a week. Yes, it would have been an inconvenience. It certainly is not a necessity and we could have made something work (and we did). My heart was broken thinking about all of the families who would love for their problem to be a broken washing machine. While there I was: I knew what we were going to eat for dinner that day, our house was a nice temperature, we have clean drinking water and a safe home. Our babies are healthy and our family is together. 

When you sit back and look at your problems on a grand scale it allows you to see the light and the blessings in your trials and tribulations. As you read this my hope was that you were able to find the ability to refocus your energy with a problem you are facing and turn it into a positive. There's always a bright side, even if you have to peal back a couple of layers to find it.

The Ins and Outs

The ins and outs of new born life. I thought this was a clever title to talk about breast feeding and cloth diapers in one post, the two do really go hand in hand if you think about it. You now know the purpose of this post. Words like, breasts and poop will be used, you've been forewarned.

While in the hospital after having Alexandra it became quite clear that I was becoming her personal pacifier. As a direct result I didn't even make it home with out extremely sore, um, well, we will just call it like it is, nipples. Guess, I should have added that word to the warning, exit now if it offends you. This blog will only ever exist to document and share my mommy experiences and medical terms are part of that. Anyway, so there I was, extremely sore and not knowing what to do. Then we discovered the miracle that is the pacifier. We call it a, "soothie," since that was the brand of pacifier they had at the hospital, creative, I know. After figuring out that she could suck on something other than mom that made things a bit easier. Jot this down as another, "mistake," "lesson learned," we made with Karoline. After reading all of the pregnancy books and breast feeding books I did not want her to have a pacifier, not even as a new born. So, she didn't. I was worried she wouldn't breast feed well, or that she would "have" to have one to sleep or as she got older.

After getting home and trying to get into a rhythm with two kids I still had the painful feat of feeding my baby. When I had Karoline I did not experience labor. So, I would often say, "I didn't experience labor, but breastfeeding this kid has got to be as painful as that." I now know that's not the case (thank you Alexandra and your 28 hour labor before a c-section). But, in my experience breastfeeding my daughters is the second most painful thing I've ever gone through. I remember thinking those first few weeks after Alexandra was born, I'm going to find time to blog about how horrible this is. Sounds dramatic, but it was. I have to admit that if it weren't for the fact that I had breastfed my first born and wanted my second baby to have just as much of a head start in life as she got, formula wasn't so expensive, or that breast milk really is like liquid gold, I would have quit. Any woman who attempts to breastfeed, I applaud you. Any woman who has a supportive husband in her life, you are applauded as well. It takes a great support team to make breast feeding work. That support gets you through those moments of wanting to throw in the towel.

Fortunately, I never had an issue with supply, with either of my girls. Pacifier myth, busted. We also use a bottle for Alexandra every few days so that she has a way to eat when I'm not home for some reason or another. She still likes to breastfeed. Nipple confusion myth, busted. Of course this is not always the case, all babies are different. But, like in my last post, if I've learned anything from having a second child it is, go with the flow. Do what you need to do and don't worry about this, that, and the other.

A major hurdle was jumped when we reached six weeks and I didn't have mastitis. Mastitis is a horrible infection in your breast that often results from a clogged milk duct. If you are having your first baby I strongly urge you to google this and know the warning signs. I had mastitis when Karoline was just 4 weeks old and it was absolutely miserable. The worst, "sick," I've ever been. I was very cautious about it this time and actually could feel it trying to happen twice and was able to keep it from taking hold. I was very thankful. But, I still was worried and the worry was not helping anyone. When I finally realized, what is going to happen will happen weather I worry or not I was able to let it go. Let it go, let it go ... sorry, my darling two year old only requests one movie right now, bet ya can't guess which one.

With both of my rounds with breastfeeding I've had to deal with an over supply. I am thankful that this has been the problem I've encountered, versus not having enough milk. But, it is my experience that this is very frustrating and painful. There is a fine line between pumping enough to avoid mastitis and over stimulating your body's production.

With Karoline I felt like breast feeding and all of it's glory would never end. This time I am in shock that we are already only 3 months away from trying solid foods! The pain is now gone. A huge help with alleviating pain, for me, is to feed the baby while laying in bed. We both lay down, I am more relaxed, she is more relaxed and a better latch is achieved. The "let down," reflex is getting less painful and things are going well. I'm glad that I never did find the time to blog about my hate for breastfeeding early on. It truly is such an amazing thing to know that you are providing food for your baby. Keep in mind that my dislike and my hate for breastfeeding was with child number two. It just goes to show you that having kids is like apples and oranges. While I had a hard time with Karoline, and there were often times I would cry while I fed her because it hurt so bad, I still never even thought about calling it quits. My advice is to always have a good support system and to ask for help.

While in the hospital I didn't receive any breast feeding support from the staff, I loved our hospital experience but thought this was a bit odd. I am assuming this was because it was my second baby and we appeared to be doing so well with breastfeeding. This was my fault, I should have asked for help. I might not have had such a painful experience from the get go. Always ask for help, don't leave the hospital until you feel confident. On the flip side, with Karoline there were always people asking how it was going and lactation specialist who would come in and literally grab me (on the breast) and show me how to breastfeed. But, all the while it was a very scary process for me and the constant checking really upset me because it wasn't helping. So, if you're not getting the help you need or are feeling rushed, say so. You are your biggest advocate when it comes to breastfeeding.

I said it before, I'll say it again, if you breastfeed, go you! It annoys me that I have to intersect this here, but this is to avoid getting nasty comments. If you don't breastfeed or didn't this is in no way a slam against you. I am only speaking to my experiences. And from my experience, breast feeding is hard and a breastfeeding mom deserves a high five every now and then.

Alright, onto part two. My thoughts on cloth diapering. This is short and sweet, I love it! Alexandra was staring to show signs of getting rashes when I made the decision to switch to cloth diapers. Karoline never once had a diaper rash and I was a little upset when I noticed Alexandra was showing signs to be prone to them. I decided to nip that in the butt, pun intended. Choosing cloth diapers was also a financial decision. I'm a stay at home mom, why not do it and save the extra money. With help from some mama friends and this blog (p.s. her whole blog is awesome, check it out), I was able to get the inspiration I needed to make the switch. It's a little bit of work but, at the same time, it's oddly rewarding.

Alexandra also is showing signs of having an intolerance to something I'm eating. I think I have determined it to be dairy. I have cut dairy out of my diet, as well as gluten, something I've been wanting to do for a while. I'm two days in on my new healthy eating life style, I'm not calling it a diet because the goal is not to lose weight, and I don't like the word. I am hoping that I am able to not only change my eating habits but my families as well. I'm very excited about this.

Now, I just said that weight loss is not the goal, remember that. However, weight gain and loss is a part of pregnancy and I feel like reading about other real life moms and their weight gain/loss stories helps to create a healthy image. I gained 40 pounds with Alexandra. That means I weighed 166 pounds when she was born. Today I had a doctors appointment, I asked the nurse if I could jump on the scale. I weighed 133 pounds, Alexandra is three months old,  I have lost 33 pounds with little to no effort. I am a firm believer that it takes nine months to gain baby weight, it takes nine months to lose it. Even so, if you're breastfeeding beyond nine months, it may take even longer. Since I do breast feed my babies beyond the nine month mark I know that it will take me personally a bit longer to lose the extra weight. But, boy was I excited to see that I only have seven pounds to go to pre Alexandra weight. I say pre Alexandra weight because I was still breastfeeding Karoline when she came into the picture. I had not lost all my baby weight from my first pregnancy yet, I still had six pounds to go. Losing weight after having Karoline took a lot longer to come off. I am already able to wear clothes that took me a year to fit into after having Karoline. This time the weight is coming off faster, I could wear my wedding ring just a few weeks after we got home, instead of six months after. Pretty sure I have chasing a toddler around to thank for that! I do think that in changing to a healthy life style I will see a change in my body, a positive change. I hope to have more energy as well. But, first and foremost, I hope that my daughter is able to digest a little bit easier.

There you have it, my thoughts on the ins and outs and a little bit on pregnancy weight as well.

Every blog needs a cute picture. Don't mind the Halloween pumpkin in the background. Don't you know you can't organize/declutter/get rid of things with out a toddler "needing" what you're trying to  put away. 


*A friend of mine just gave me some great information about breastfeeding and pumps...
Medela's online breastfeeding course is free with this code: BRUEgX74fR
There is an all purpose nipple ointment, it is an RX that needs to be compounded by the pharmacy but works better than Lanolin (I would have loved this).
Most insurance companies will now cover a Medela breast pump! Start by calling the number on the back of you insurance card to check. Some lactation nurses can help too. Third party companies, like Babies R Us advertise they can help by billing the insurance companies for the pump!

The 4th Trimester

The fourth trimester ...

I'm not sure where I read about the, "Fourth trimester." But, I'm glad that I did. I read that the first three months of a babies life they live on the outside the way they did on the inside. All the while slowly becoming accustom to life outside the womb.

When Karoline was born I was uptight. I wanted her to be able to sleep on her own. Almost every time she fell asleep I would set her down. She had to learn to sleep by herself. I did this even when she was just three weeks old, not kidding. I wanted to get sleep training done and done, "right." I wasn't waiting around until I was exhausted. There are so many things I would have done differently with her. She is now the epitome of a first born child. When she falls and you ask if she is ok or if she needs anything she says, "No," and consoles herself. There are times when she will come running to mom and dad, but more often than not she will take care of it herself or will turn to her blanket. This breaks my heart, like I said, there are so many things I would have done differently. I'm thankful to realize this now. I hope that I will now parent her in a more relaxed matter due to the things I've learned in the last few months with Alexandra.

At 7 weeks old Alexandra slept for 8 hours straight and had I switched to a better night time diaper I think she would have slept better even earlier. This little bundle of joy did not like to be swaddled, never did, and still doesn't. Instead, she would rather have mommy right by her side. If you remember the concept of the fourth trimester makes perfect sense. Why wouldn't she want mommy right next to her. For 41 weeks we were as close as close can get, can ya blame her? So, instead of fighting it, she slept with me for 3 weeks. Now, before anyone decides to judge or say that I could have rolled over her. No, I could not. Tim would watch Alexandra and I sleeping and one night woke me up when he helped me put my hand down. I had my arm up above my head and was trying to bring it down by my side. I could not do this in my sleep because I was aware that Alexandra was in the way. So, he gently guided my arm down. There were and have been several nights where my body will go numb or my arm fall asleep in order to not hurt my baby. Anyway, back to the point. I let her sleep by me. I was able to heal from my c-section much faster this time around. I credit the extra sleep.

My baby would nurse with me and then fall sleep cuddled up to my body. Of course there were the occasional diaper changes but it was a very peaceful ordeal. When she woke up I would change her, nurse her and we would both fall asleep (you would think after having Karoline I would have known to put down a ton of towels ... I did put them down, but it wasn't enough. I tell ya, my body must think that I had twins). We would do this a couple of times through out the night and every time she would just go right back to sleep because mom was there. Around the four week mark I realized I wasn't all too comfortable while I was sleeping. So, at this point I started putting Alexandra into her bed for the first portion of the night which was when she was notoriously sleeping her longest chunk, about 6 hours. When she woke up to eat then she usually ended up spending the rest of the night in bed with me.

I am not the mom who sticks to a schedule. I am however a big fan of routines. My girls take a bath every night. In doing this they know that bed time is coming, this is when we sleep. I'm sure that by now Karoline might not need the bath to trigger that she is going to bed soon. But, I don't want to chance it. Plus, have you smelled toddlers lately, I tell ya she bathes every day and she earns it. After that everything is pretty much clock work. We brush teeth, read books, say prayers, sing songs give hugs and kisses and say goodnight. As for Alexandra, she plays while all this is happening. Then her and I retreat to my bedroom, she's still in our room, something I hope will help with traveling down the road. Karoline was and still does not sleep well when she can hear other noises, like Tim or I rolling over. Also, to be honest, I'm not ready for her to be out of our room. Tim has told me he's leaving that up to me. As he put it, "Your intuition will tell me when it's right for her to be in her room." I nurse Alexandra and let her fall asleep while nursing (yes, I know there are some things that say not to do this... This is what she is comfortable with and at ease with so this is what we do). Some nights I pick her up and put her in her pack and play and she's out like a light. Then there are other nights, like tonight, where it takes a few more attempts.

My husband always told me, "Just go with the flow," when Karoline was born. I was not able to do this. It just wasn't part of my nature. Side note: he is my better half, he has helped me to become a better version of myself in more ways than one. He didn't give up, he would repeat, just go with the flow, over and over in many situations. Sometime over the course of the last few years this must have sunk in. Now that Alexandra is here that is exactly what I do. Let me tell you what, I am a happier and better mama because of it. I am beyond blessed to have a husband who didn't give up on me and didn't let me get caught up in having to do things the, "right," way.

I am a more relaxed version of myself now. Much more so than I remember being in any years prior to Alexandra. Things get done when they get done. Something that I have to remind myself often is that I am a stay at home mom. I don't have anything that I "HAVE" to do other than keeping my children cared for. Yet, there are days that I have to remind myself that there is nothing more important than my children. This seems like a no brainer. What I mean is, there are times that I get frustrated that I can't get something done, email, the dishes, my hair, you name it. When this happens it is hard to take a step back and remember, none of this matters. The most important part of my day (aside from my relationship with God) is my children, they are my reason for waking up every morning. I have to interject: Tim, my husband is my first priority, with out him my children do not exist. We came to this conclusion before having kids, we realize that while we love our babies, we love each other more. Without us, there is no them. Back to my point, hair, emails, cleaning, all can wait. By making this realization I am able to take the time to focus on my girls and what they need with out getting upset. One more side bar thought: I don't feel this is an excuse to not have a clean house. There are little signs on Pinterest, Facebook, and other sites that say something to the likes of, "A good mom has messy floors, dishes to do, and laundry to fold." These signs irritate me. In my opinion being a good mom also means keeping a clean home for your children to grow up in. My sister in law pointed that out to me when I was feeling guilty for taking the time to clean. I am very thankful she put it the way she did so that I could realize that I was not ignoring my kids and putting a clean home ahead of them. Instead I clean my home for them. So, once a week I do all of the deep cleaning, some days it's done by noon and some days I finish when they are asleep. I just go with the flow, but it does get done. Every other day I clean messes as they are made and make sure our house is on order before I go to bed. Alright, I digress ... This is easier said than done, and more times than I can count I have to remind myself that I don't "need" to do anything and that my kids needs come first. It's something that I pray about and work on every day.

In taking things easy and letting my second daughter come to know the world around her in a comfortable and comforting setting I myself have changed, for the better. I wish I could have been this way for Karoline. Coulda, woulda, shoulda, I'm thankful that I view my role as a wife and mom with a more relaxed attitude now.

Yesterday Alexandra hit the three month mark. We no longer are in the fourth trimester, according to the article I read she is adapted to her surroundings. She is no longer a new born, she is an infant. She now sleeps 10 hours straight at night. She loves to smile, she cries when she needs something, she is happy and healthy. She has love in her eyes and is a complete joy. I am blessed.

A Small Token

Over the last few months I've seen several articles, via Facebook, centering around women lifting other women up. Earlier this week I took both of my girls to their check up appointments (alone, for the first time, both of them ... it was a successful mom day). When we were leaving I noticed the receptionists hair, it was blonde and curly, it was adorable. So many times I have these thoughts and just don't even think to say anything. I have been making an effort to do this more often. After telling the receptionist that I loved her hair she beamed and said, thank you. She really meant it too. It wasn't a half hearted, "thanks, it takes too long, it's not working right today, you should've seen it yesterday," kind of thank you. It was a genuine thank you.

This got me thinking. Part of being able to give is being able to receive graciously as well.

Early this morning I got a text message from a dear friend asking if we would like to meet her and her two boys at the Butterfly Pavilion right down the street from our house. Funny, we had tried to plan this outing several times and it didn't work out. But, as a last minute whim, it did. Seems like that's the way to go when you have kids. If it works, it works, if not then try again on another day when things are going smoothly with your babies. Anyway, I had a lovely time talking with her and enjoyed watching Karoline follow her oldest around. All the while I was thinking how cute her outfit was and I never did take the time to tell her. So, Nicki, your outfit was adorable and you look great, truly.

After the Butterfly Pavilion we retreated to Nicki's minivan to tend to our little babies. The big kids were able to watch a movie. This was great. I am officially ready to take the minivan plunge. With two small kids I can't think of a better car.

With the little ones taken care of it was time to get some lunch for ourselves and the big kiddos. We joked about how "meals" don't exist anymore. We both make an effort to order and make food that can be consumed with one hand or while bouncing a baby in a chest carrier. I openly admitted that I've been offering Karoline an M&M at times when I need her to do things and I am just not willing to have to argue with her about it. Note: Karoline always counters my M&M offer with, "Mine have two M&M's... please." The girl should be a lawyer, she drives a hard bargain. In true mom to mom fashion Nicki admitted to doing the same with her son. There are just so many things that are more important. Pick your battles, a valuable lesson when it comes to raising kids.

I need to get back to my original point for this blog. One article I read said that we need to lift each other up and not judge one another. While we were sitting and eating I felt as though I was getting the, "You have two small children, they are so close in age... You're so young," looks. Who knows if I really was. But, I have to say, I'm pretty intuitive. It was somewhat disheartening to me, I don't need to justify or explain my family to anyone. Period.

After our lunch we said good bye to our friends. However, I had to jump back in line to get some lunch to take home to my husband. I mean, what kind of wife would I be if I didn't, right? Anyway, I have forgotten to mention that this entire day Karoline had listened to every thing I had said to her and had obeyed every command (I hadn't even used the M&M bargain yet). She really does a great job of listening when we are out and about. I think she knows that in order to continue getting to do fun things she has to be well behaved. Either that or we so rarely go do things that she soaks up every bit of it and is happy to oblige. Whatever it is, I'll take it. We ordered Tim's food, she followed me down the isle and waited patiently to pick it up. Then we made our way towards the door. I was constantly checking to make sure she was following me. We were almost to the door when I realized there was a woman following us. I politely asked her if she would like to pass us by because we move kind of slow and take up a lot of room (I had Alexandra in her car seat). She smiled and said, "No, I'm following you to give you this. You have such a well mannered and beautiful little girl." At that point she reached out and told me, "This is for you," and handed me a sticker. I was able to read it quickly and could barely get out a thank you before we were out the door and the woman was on her way to go eat her lunch.

When I got outside to collect myself before conquering the parking lot with my kiddos I got to look at the sticker again. I couldn't believe that someone had taken the time to notice me, as a mom in a positive way, let alone do something to bring tears of joy to my eyes. Shoot, I'm tearing up now just typing about it. Occasionally I think about having a "real" job and how rewarding that might be at times. But, today the sticker that woman gave me means more to me than any promotion or plaque at a "real" job ever would. I'm not entirely sure what to do with this sticker yet, but I know it will be something that I treasure forever. Seriously, tears rolling down my cheeks here. When I think about it it's easy for me to think... I don't deserve this, I make so many mistakes, others deserve something like this more than I do... but that would defeat the purpose of her giving it to me. I would not be receiving graciously.

To the woman who gave me this sticker at the Panera Bread on 104th and Reed St. in Westminster today, thank you. Your kindness did not go unnoticed and I truly appreciate you taking the time to acknowledge the hard work that I put into raising my children. They are my greatest accomplishments.

Being a Mom Stinks

Yes, of course the title of this blog is misleading, I don't actually think being a mom stinks. With that being said I do have to explain why I chose this title.

Early this morning my sweet 5 week old baby had signs that she had caught the cold that her sister and I have. Karoline has only been sick twice in her life up until now. I openly admit that I am and always will be a germaphobe and am a bit of a cleaning-aholic. Not only that but when Karoline was born we did not go anywhere or do anything for 6 weeks. We had very few guests and those who came were over the age of 12.

I let my guard down. I was persuaded for a number of different reasons to allow my baby to be around other people on two different occasions. Once we went with Karoline to her library story time after she asked, "Mama go too? Please?" I mean, seriously how do you say no to that. And then we also had a family day.

Who knows how the cold got into our house. For all I know it could have been allergies that turned into a cold. Either way I was pretty upset with myself that any of us got sick. And to top it all off, my poor sweet tiny baby girl has it too. Oh, and did I mention my that my husband doesn't have a spleen so the common cold is potentially deadly not only for my tiny baby but my husband as well. Great. My germaphobia is making more sense now isn't it.

This morning while I was letting Tim sleep in, with hopes that he will kick this with out needing to go to the doctor, I was beside myself. How did I let this happen to my baby. Thankfully Alexandra was sleeping at this time and I was able to read my daily devotional. The basic entry went something like this, "Whatever your circumstance, accept it and move on. Give it over to Me." Shortly after I received a phone call back from a nurse at our doctors office who informed me that there was no reason to worry unless Alexandra were to have trouble breathing or a fever. Between the two I was able to find a bit of peace.

I was able to come up with the notion that there are babies, lots of them, bless their hearts who have are far worse off than my babies ever will be. And those babies have colds and much worse to deal with and they end up just fine. I had to tell myself that if for some reason, God forbid anything should ever happen to one of my babies that I would know that I have done my best. So, see being a mom really does stink. The extreme amount of worry that can over come you is overwhelming and at times overbearing. I can't even begin to think about those poor kiddos who are worse off. I can't watch a sad movie that has anything to do with children without completely losing it. The list of what goes on in my mind in relation to worrying about my children could go on and on. It's horrible. But, this is where I am extremely thankful for my faith. I know that if I have faith there is no room for worry because it is out of my hands. I have to admit that I am human and I have a hard time not seeing the worry. However, I'm thankful that with every new day as I walk in my relationship with God I am able to turn to Him first more often. As a parent I get to see a mere glimpse of how much He loves us and it is remarkable. I am so thankful and we are so blessed.

As I'm typing this my oldest baby is coughing while she tries to sleep. The duty of a mom never ends, I'm off to give my sweet girl some honey. I hope that anyone who chooses to read this will find it in their heart to pray for all of the babies and children suffering from colds or illness. I can only imagine how scary it is as a small child to not feel well. And if you would, pray for the parents too, it's even harder on us to see our babies be sick.

Good night all.

All about Alexandra

Be warned, this post uses birth/new born baby terms ... you've been warned! Also, I will have to write this over a series of attempts so please pardon any jumping around, typos, missing punctuation and anything else that isn't quite right.

On April 14, 2014, I woke up at 3am. After wondering why I was wide awake I realized I was having pretty consistent contractions. After laying in bed for a bit I finally decided to start timing the contractions around 4am. Mind you I was almost a week late and had thought it was, "the day," several times in the last few weeks so I was almost reluctant to start timing. From 4am to 5am my contractions were 8 minutes apart with out fail. At that point I decided to get out of bed. I had an overwhelming desire to pace back and forth in our living room. After the pacing I noticed that my contractions were closer, now every 5 minutes. At this point in time I did everything I could think of to make them stop. Like I said, I had may false alarms leading up to this point and wanted to make sure this was not one of them. I drank a lot of water, laid down, sat down, walked, sat on my exercise ball. All of which seemed to not only keep the contractions going but also made them stronger and last longer. Maybe this was after all the real deal. I decided to text my mom. She was already planning on heading up at 11am but I now felt maybe she needed to leave a bit earlier. With having a previous c-section and not knowing what to expect from a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarian) I wanted my parents to be on their way sooner than later. We decided they would head up around 9am, after the rush hour madness. This way I also would get to spend more time at home.

I continued to time my contractions, through out the morning they were every 3-5 minutes and would last anywhere from one minute to three. In between contractions I would hurry around the house and get a few last minute things done ... trimmed my nails, got things ready for my parents, used far too many sticky notes leaving Karoline instructions ... I also made sure to get down a bowl of cereal, good thing I did, I wouldn't eat real food again for 48 hours.

Before my parents made it to our house I made sure to get in a picture with Karoline. Darn post pregnancy emotions, I'm getting all teary just writing about this. I wanted to have one last picture with her as an only child. Side note, worrying about Karoline has been one of the more difficult things about having another baby. More on that later.

One last picture with my girl.

After my parents got in and got settled there were a few minutes of light heartedness and then Tim and I headed out the door. When I had called the doctor about 30 minutes prior they said it was time to come in.

Tim drove quite quickly to the hospital, even though there really was no hurry. I was fine, other than the fact that I had been drinking so much water that I really, really needed to find a bathroom the second that we made it into the hospital. Thankfully, I found a bathroom quickly after we spent two trips driving through the entire parking garage with no luck. Thank goodness for free valet that your husband finally decides is something that would be ok for our new truck.

We made our way to labor and delivery. I got dressed into one of the lovely hospital gowns (with Karoline I wanted to wear my own, this time I knew better, the less of my own clothes I wore the better-less laundry when I got home). After getting dressed I was hooked up to be monitored and checked for any dilation. I was 2 cm and 80% effaced (look that up if you don't know what it means, it still is confusing to me and I have two kids). Two lousy centimeters! However, it was a start. They were trying to decide if we would be sent home or admitted to wait out the labor process. We were admitted, I think probably because I had the previous c-section. I was given an IV, after two failed attempts on my left arm I ended up with one of the worst placed IV's on my right (dominant) arm. It wasn't quite high enough on my arm. So, this meant I could not bend my hand upward at all. I have to admit this was one of the worst parts of my hospital stay. I was so annoyed with it the entire time. Given the option to do it all over I would have had them try again. Live and learn.

After being admitted I was sent to walk. I would walk up and down a hallway that I found that did not have any doors. Just a bunch of comfy looking chairs and tables. Tim would sit in the middle of the hallway and I would pace back and forth. Trying to move fast enough that I would end up back by him for contractions. That wasn't always the case but it gave me a goal and an objective to the never ending pacing. I would walk for an hour and then go back and would be monitored for an hour.

Time was funny during that day. It seemed as though it went very quickly and yet very slowly all at the same time. Our doctor was so kind and came to the hospital after a full day of work at the office to check on us. At this time I was 4 cm ... great, 12 hours down and still only 2 more cm! At this point she broke my water. She had high hopes that we would have the baby by the end of the day. She was however not the doctor on call, however she would be the following day. I had heard from other women that after your water was broken that things usually sped up and got a bit more intense.

It was back to the hallway for more walking and monitoring. At some point in the next few hours I got to the point where Tim applying pressure to my lower back really helped get through the contractions. Finally some pain, I thought for sure we were getting somewhere. When the nurse checked me she said I was about a six! Woohoo, not long now and we would have a baby. I really had been hoping for the birthday of 4/14/14, I have a bit of an infatuation with numbers. Anyway, not long after being told I was a six things started to get a little painful. My contractions were every few minutes and they were lasting just as long some times. Tim was rubbing my back so hard that it was starting to become raw. When the doctor that was on call came in to see me things were definitely a bit on the painful side. He checked me for himself and told me that I was not a six, he did say however that the numbers were all subjective to who was checking you. I was actually still only a four. That did it, the wind was out of my sails. I had been awake since 3am and it was now 20 hours later and I was still only a four. A lousy four. Not to mention in this time frame the babies heart rate was also dropping at times, thankfully it would pick right back up (Karoline's heart rate dropped and never came back up, thus leading to an emergency c-section). I was tired, I wanted to sleep. My goal was to have this baby naturally and I knew that in order to be able to do that I needed to rest. So, in the midst of the hour of being monitored when the contractions were strong and hard I decided I wanted an epidural. I pushed the nurse call button and waited for what seemed like forever for her to come in. Then after informing her I wanted the epidural I waited for an eternity for the anesthesiologist to show up. Tim later informed me that it was literally minutes that I was having to wait. Pain sure does play some funny tricks on your sense of time. Anyway, I got the epidural and felt almost instant relief. My attitude was completely different. I tell you what, an epidural is an amazing advancement in medicine. To the women who have had babies naturally, I salute you. I do have to admit though, I fell like I could have done it if it weren't for the hour of having to be monitored while sitting in a bed. Sitting/laying is not conducive (for me anyway) for managing pain. If I had the ability to know that my babies would not have ever been in danger I would have tried for an all natural birth at a birthing center.

Over the next few hours Tim and I tried to get some rest, that was near impossible. I would sleep for about 45 minutes at a time or less, there's that time element again, it really was lost even though I was starring right at a clock straight in front of my hospital bed. Tim slept a bit. I was thankful that I hadn't woken him up until almost 7am that day. Around 3am (almost 24 hours into labor) the on call doctor came in and checked me again. I was still at a four. He asked me if I was ready to make the decision to have a c-section. In his opinion my labor was stalling out. I was given the option to try a bit of pitocin. Pitocin is used very sparingly on women who have had a c-section before, it can make contractions too strong and cause the uterus to rupture. I was not ready to give up, I had come this far and wanted to make sure I gave it every last effort. Not only that but I was not completely comfortable with the on call doctor. I don't know what it was but I had to trust my instincts. There was something I just did not like. I knew that in just 4 hours my doctor would be on call, I just had to make it four more hours.

The pitocin didn't set well with the baby, the nurses were constantly having to shut off the pitocin in order to keep the babies heart rate up.

At 7am my doctor was there, I heard her voice in the hall and I had such a huge sigh of relief. She came in, checked me, still just about a five. The look on her face as she explained to me that it was my choice to continue laboring made my choice all that more easy. She made it known that I could definitely continue to wait it out and that we might make some headway. But, more than likely even if she checked me again it would still be the same situation and we would most likely end up with a c-section. Our doctor and nurse left the room and Tim and I had a decision to make. We decided to go with the c-section. I had been in labor for 27 and a half hours.

I called my mom, we got our things together and after 28 hours of labor we were wheeled back into the operating room at 8:22am to meet our baby.

When we got into the operating room I started to pray and give thanks. I was crying, literally tears just streaming down my face. I hoped that Tim knew they were happy tears and not that I was upset that I had decided to go with the c-section after all that time. All of the nurses kept asking if I was ok, I was, I told them. Happy tears, that was all. I was praying for the baby to be safe, I was giving thanks for all of our blessings, I was naming off so many different blessings in my head and I just wished Tim would have been holding my hand at this point in time, but I could see him that was also a blessing.

Once he took his place by my head he was able to hold my hand. Our doctor started the procedure and was so sweet, checking on me the entire time. At 8:52am our baby was born. Thank the Lord that this baby decided to be vocal from the get go. I heard cries even before I knew if the baby was a boy or a girl. Karoline was not so vocal and definitely gave me a good scare until I heard her first cry. Tim looked over the curtain, he says he saw the baby from the back and almost announced that the baby was a boy, until they turned the baby around and he excitedly told me, "It's a girl!!" Alexandra Elizabeth Reed was born at 8:52am. She weighed 7lbs 15oz and was 19.5" long. I was in complete shock. This pregnancy was completely different from day one, I really though this baby was going to be a boy. I of course was not disappointed in anyway. However, I was still very very shocked. Tim left my side to be by the baby. It's funny, even when I refer to Karoline's birth I still refer to her as "the baby." Not knowing the gender for 9 months makes it hard to use a gender term when talking about the pregnancy or birth. My first question when Karoline was born was if she had all of her fingers and toes. Who knows why that was what I was wondering. Except that was all I could see from where I was laying with her. This time I wanted to know if her name fit her. Tim said it did. Funny what the first thing is that comes to you mind when you're lying on an operating table.

I have to add a quick note about choosing a name for this little peanut. When we picked Karoline I knew there was a princess named Karoline spelled with a K. So, in picking another girls name I knew it had to be another princess name. Thus, we found Alexandra. We had also talked about wanting this baby to feel just as special even though she was not the "first" girl. So, she was given my middle name. Not only did I need another princess name but I wanted a name with the same amount of letters for this baby. Call me crazy, I just call it being a numbers nerd. Anyway, both of my girls have 22 letters in their names: Karoline (8) Christelle (10) Reed (4) ... Alexandra (9) Elizabeth (9) Reed (4). And yes, if we would have had a boy he would have the same amount of numbers in his name as his dad. And yes, I may or may not have already come up with a third girls princess name with 22 letters as well, just in case.

Alexandra Elizabeth Reed
7lbs 15oz, 19.5"
Born 4/15/15 at 8:52am

I heard them checking on the baby and doing all of the measuring and poking and prodding. Looking back on it as I write this is the only time I've had any sort of desire for a natural birth. I truly wish I could have known the overwhelming love that comes from your baby being placed on your chest for the first time. None the less my baby was brought over to me by my husband and that was just as special in a different way. I got to hold her and look at her for a short time. Alexandra and Tim went to the recovery room while I was on the operating table waiting to be sewn up. This time of waiting felt like forever. With my previous c section I had staples. This time it was stitches. I prefer the stitches even though it did seem they took a little bit longer. When I was finally done and they wheeled me into the recovery room I saw my husband with his shirt off holding our baby skin to skin. My heart melted. I was so glad he was able and willing to provide that closeness for our baby girl when I couldn't.

Daddy and his girl.

My beautiful baby.

The rest of the day was a blur. I was able to hold my sweet baby girl and feed her. We were informed that there really was a very slim chance that Alexandra would have been able to be born via VBAC even if I would have labored for another day. Come to find out she was trying to decent a bit crooked. It's awfully hard for a cervix to dilate properly when a baby is not in the right position. Who knew. At least I tried. Through out the day I would fall asleep mid sentence and just had a horrible time staying awake. I suppose being up for 29 hours and being in labor will do that to ya. My parents brought Karoline to meet her new baby sister. That was very sweet. My brother also made it up to meet Alexandra on her birth day. Something that I will never forget, I really appreciated him making the drive just to spend an hour or so with us.

Thankful for this bunch.

I got myself out of bed and into the wheel chair only 6 hours after having my c-section. The days in the hospital felt extremely long but short at the same time. Really, time is such a funny thing when you have a baby. Either way we were able to go home when Alexandra was just about 48 hours old. I'm very thankful that both her and I were healthy enough to leave. Being there is nice in that I didn't have anything to do. But, at the same time there's nothing like being in your own home.

Today Alexandra is 3 weeks and 2 days old. I've been able to shower every day since her birth, something I'm very thankful for. I'm hoping to find more time to blog about our time at home. But in short I'll say this for now, babies are a blessing, especially when they are good sleepers!

Sisters

The Stay at Home Mom

When I started this blog I hoped that at some point I would figure out what it is I want to do "When I grow up." When I was younger my answer to this question was, "I want to be the next Julia Roberts." Once I got to high school my answer changed to, "Pediatrician." My first college biology course quickly helped me change my mind. I worked tediously in that class and still only walked away with a B+, I knew I did not want to spend the next 12 years of my life working that hard. Side note, thank you to all of the doctors out there who are willing to work that hard!

So, after I finished my first semester in college I changed my major to Mass Communications. A decision that I have second guessed since graduating. When I made my choice I wanted to be a sports broadcaster. I truthfully love sports and would have enjoyed this but it is such a tough field to get into. I spent a few months working as a producer at a local TV station and again quickly realized it wasn't for me. I wasn't willing to put in the time and horrible hours to get to where I wanted to be.

Somewhere along those lines I met and married my husband. We were living in Canon City, a small town with limited employment options. With that being said I was set to go back to school to get my masters in teaching. I though it was a career I would be well suited for. I had loved teaching swim lessons, working in classrooms and generally adored kiddos. I paid my $500 holding fee for the program and was just weeks away from starting the program when my husband was offered a position at MillerCoors. We decided it wasn't the best choice for me to continue with my plan to get my masters since my commute would now be much more tedious. We knew that if at some point I wanted to continue with that path that I would have several schools to choose from that would be closer to our current location.

Now that Tim had a stable job the motherhood bug bit. I wanted a baby. And, a baby is what we got. A beautiful baby girl, Karoline. Karoline is now almost 21 months old and we are due to have our second in just 8 weeks. Over these last few years I have struggled with the fact that I have absolutely no idea what I would "do" if I weren't a stay at home mom. I thought, well maybe I would like to be a nurse. Again, I dismissed this idea, the long and strange working hours are just not for me. Again, thank you to those who are in the medical field! I thought I would also enjoy doing photography on the side since it would be a job I could do as a stay at home mom. I definitely think it is something I would still enjoy as a hobby.

Then a light bulb went off. The job that I have enjoyed the most over the last 26 years (besides being a mom) was working at the golf course as a beverage cart attendant. I loved the environment, growing up on the golf course has made it so that I feel quite at home in that setting. The people you meet on a golf course are almost always happy and most often are from all over the place. It makes for a fun work environment.


I got to thinking, if I enjoy being on the golf course and I really did enjoy all of the classes I took for my degree then why not combine the two. So, should there be a day that I decide I would like to go back to work after our kids are in school then that's what I will do. I will search for a job at a golf course where I can help with the advertising and marketing, day to day operations and planning of tournaments (this would appease my creative side as well). Today I was wondering how hard a job like this would be to come across. I looked online at the website for the golf course that is closest to our home (keep in mind there are a handful that would be within an acceptable commuting distance) and there were plenty of seasonal openings for the golf course, the perfect way to get my foot in the door. I was immediately pleased that it appears that when I am ready that I will be able to find a way to make it happen. Even more exciting is the fact that the idea of having to do a bit of work to get the job I want doesn't turn me away. I suppose this means that I have finally stumbled upon the job that I would actually like to "do."

You can't begin to imagine what this revelation has done for me psychologically. I feel like now I can truly enjoy being a stay at home mom because it is a choice, not just an only option. I now know what it is that I would like to do for a career and am making the conscious decision to stay at home with our children so that we can raise them.

My job as a stay at home mom has been and is the most important job I will ever have. However, in knowing it is a choice I feel like I will be able to do a better job than I have been up until now. It's a shame that I had to come to this to feel validated in my profession as a mom but I am glad that I have come to it early enough to take advantage of my new desire to do my job to it's fullest. Just in time since the next little peanut will be here before we know it.

To all of the stay at home moms out there, our job is important, even on the days that you second guess yourself.