Unexpected Understanding

Two years ago today I took a photo of my baby girl in a hospital bed not knowing if she would live. Today she thrives. Thank you, Lord.

You might think, she *just* has diabetes, because until you know, you just don’t know, and that’s ok. I didn’t know it was “that serious” either. I’m here to share Karoline’s story with you, on her Diabetes Diagnosis Anniversary. You can find it linked here. We are so thankful for insulin, the doctors and nurses who helped guide her body out of Diabetic Ketoacidosis and for the intuition that led me to ask for blood work. While I don’t want to pat myself on the back, I also can weep at the thought of what would have happened had I not asked for blood work on August 11, 2022.

Hear my request, if something doesn’t seem right, please ask for blood work. It’s a simple procedure that can give so many answers to what is happening within a body. If your doctor says no, find a new one.

If you’ve read this far, I would like to share a positive that diabetes has brought to my life as Karoline’s mom.

As a believer there are times I doubt, I doubt why in the world God would save me, save us? How does that even work because we are awful and we get a lot of things really wrong. And then, I was staring at my child, made in my image, suffering (a child who is not awful, she lives in a fallen world, one where a body can turn against itself). In that moment, and every moment since then I have prayed that I could take the sickness from her, that I could take on the burden for her.

If my meager human love for my child could prompt me to wish so badly that I could take that on for her, why then would God be any different? He is an almighty God who saw His children suffering, and because He is God and he loves us He did interfere, He came in human flesh and died on the Cross for us. He did for all of us what I pray I could do for Karoline. The love of a Father (or mother) for their child is strong, it holds more value and worth than I think we can even comprehend here on this Earth. I know now I can see this in our God saving us.

He took our place.

He saved us.

He gave us grace.

He is good.

I am not, nor will I ever claim to be a very knowledgeable follower of Christ. I’m doing the best I can with what I have in front of me. I am certain I get it wrong every day. I also know that in sharing this message has been on my heart for days that maybe one person needed to hear it. Maybe one person wants to meet me at church to learn more. In that case being vulnerable and open to ridicule because, “Who does she think she is? I’ve seen her yell at her kids. I’ve heard her gossip. I know she’s gotten a traffic ticket…” whatever it might be, I know I’m fallen, I know I need Jesus, and I also need you. I need those around me to hold me accountable and I will love you more for it.

In the darkest hour of my life I found reassurance in my faith. In my brightest of days I pray to be a child that was worth saving, who is thankful for the grace of a very good God.

Connections

 Sitting in the airport in Panama City, Florida, a gentleman sat down across from me. He was wearing a Vietnam Veterans hat. 

My inner monologue sounded something like this, “Just talk to him… tell him thank you and about your book.”

Meanwhile the Southwest Airlines computer monitor and the airport monitor had conflicting information. One screen said our flight was delayed, the other said it was on time. I overheard the Veteran telling someone on the phone he wasn’t sure if he would be delayed or not. 

Then one of the flight attendants behind me told someone else we were not delayed. When the Veteran got off the phone I relayed the information to him. Still trying to figure out how to tell him thank you for his service. 

A few minutes later he opened the line of communication.

Veteran: Are you from California (pointing to my San Diego zip up sweatshirt)?

Me: No, I’m from Colorado. I am a teacher and got to go to training in San Diego last month.

V: My daughter is a 6th grade teacher in Texas. What do you teach?

Me: I am a high school English teacher.

V: Takes a deep breath, and with the most profound amount of caring in his voice said, “I think what you and my daughter do is incredible work.”

Me: (Pointing to his Vietnam hat) I was going to say the same to you! I’m learning about the Vietnam war from a book I’m reading. What you did and went through was powerful and …

V: My wife read that book! 

Me: I wanted so badly to get to ask you about your experience and tell you thank you. I also have been very curious if the author did a good job with the story and the facts?

V: I haven’t read it, but my wife paused and asked me questions often. It was well done. My wife said it was the first time she could truly begin to understand what I/we went through. 

V {Leaning in, and trying to hurry, our plane was starting to board}: Can I tell you a story? 

In Vietnam I flew an F4. There was a mission where we had to go to Hanoi, that’s a city in your book, and drop what we had (some form of ammunition). However, it was a misty day and we had to go in blind. We knew we (U.S.) had men on the ground, eight of them. We had to complete the mission even though they were there. 

I live in Texas now, and in 1981 (I knew I would remember the year, because that’s the year Tim was born) we had a drainage problem… Long story short, I hired someone to fix it. We got to talking and the man I hired was a Vietnam Vet as well. We discovered he was there that day, the day we had to drop blind. I was able to ask him if all eight of our men made it out. And they did. {Sits back in visual relief}

Me: That gave me goosebumps. What an incredible story. Thank you so much for sharing it with me. 

V: You can tell that story to anyone. And I have more I can send you. 

Me: {…reaching for my phone, but it was charging out of reach}

V {Opens his wallet and hands me his card}: Email me and I will email you back.

Me: Yes sir, I absolutely will. {Reaching out my hand} I’m Jamie, it was very nice to meet you and thank you for your story and your service.

V: Jamie, I’m John. Take care.

As I got on the plane I saw John in the first seat on the plane and he pointed at me and told me he looked forward to my email. 

I told Tim the story of my interaction with John that I just told you on our way home from the Colorado Springs airport, and he informed me that the F4 sits right outside of Fremont County Airport. 

When I woke up this morning I was in such an emotional state thinking about getting to email John. I know without a doubt the book, “The Women,” by Kristen Hannah had me captivated and eager to learn more from page one. It was an incredible opportunity to learn more about a time in history I knew nothing about. Reading this book gave me the opportunity to have the interaction with John. 

Tim and I have had several conversations while having our morning coffee on the back deck this summer about the good stuff in life, the things we are chasing after. We always come back to the connections. Human connections with people, our people, people we care about and connections with men like John. 

My heart hurt while reading the book, “The Women,” in a good way. It impacted me greatly, I told just about everyone I came in contact with about it and how important it was to me to learn about this part of our history. 

I want to thank all of the women and men who were in the armed forces during the Vietnam war. I would love to hear your stories, if you are ready to share them. In the meantime, I think one thing I can do is urge everyone I know to read Kristen Hannah’s book, “The Women.”